This is my first post in over a year and a half - and that year and a half has been wild (sometimes in a good way, but also in really, really terrible ways). In that time, I moved from Chicago to Tucson in August 2015, my dad was diagnosed with a hyper-aggressive, f***ing horrible cancer in November of that year, I graduated from grad school in December, I got an amazing job this February, I watched my dad's life slowly fade away from March until August when he passed away, and now I'm watching America implode into divisive, angry, bitter factions of humanity.
To put it simply, things have been better.
I'm pretty exhausted at this point, frankly. I've happily (that may be the wrong word) been on a low level anti-depressant for the last 11 months, because life has been too much and I know the limits of what I can handle. I've been careful to try and take care of myself and keep life as balanced as I could in the midst of a tremendous amount of change and loss. And let me tell you, if anything is able to put life in perspective and make you thankful to just be standing (or sitting, or laying curled up in the fetal position) for another day, it's the experience of surviving the loss of one who you deeply loved.
So here I am. I haven't allowed myself much public vulnerability during this time because that's not something I'm usually that comfortable with. However, I think we're collectively at a point in this country where if we're not vulnerable and honest and willing to say what matters to us (and WHY it matters to us), then we're only going to misunderstand and misrepresent each other more and more until we no longer care for each other at all.
I'm going to be sharing this from my unique perspective - as a progressive evangelical Christian feminist (yes, you read that right - we exist! - although I feel increasingly uncomfortable self-identifying with evangelicals for reasons I may explain later) who is from a deeply conservative area of western New York that undoubtedly went for Trump in this week's election.
I love where I'm from. LOVE. IT. Chautauqua County is beautiful. I regularly daydream about the lake, the hills, the woods, the seasons, the colors, the small towns, the miles and miles of farmland and open fields, the charm (okay, sometimes annoyance) that comes from running into someone you know wherever you go. I love how tough and resilient and caring people from Chautauqua County can be. I love how insane they are for the Buffalo Bills and the Sabres.
During most of my summers in undergrad, I returned home to western NY to work at a summer camp I went to as a child, because I loved that place and the opportunity to love and care for kids growing up in that area. After I graduated, I took an internship at a church in Bemus Point so I could mentor and invest in the young women in its youth group. Then I accepted a yearlong Americorps position as a paralegal at a legal services office in Jamestown so I could help and advocate for people who needed legal assistance but didn't have the resources to afford it.
I did all of this knowing deep down that I wouldn't stay in western NY forever - the things I felt called to do with my life required education and training and experience I couldn't get there, and for many years, there simply hasn't been a healthy job market there. Besides, I was drawn to big cities where different people, ideas, and cultures meet - where innovation and energy seem to spring up around every corner. (Yes, this was an overly romanticized idea of what it's like to live in a big city, but I still love it.)
And there was one other thing that led me to leave. Western New York has been struggling a long time - not just economically, but with the hopelessness that comes with being located smack dab in the Rust Belt. From Gary, IN to Detroit, MI to Cleveland, OH to Erie, PA, to Buffalo, NY, to Jamestown, NY to Rochester, NY and beyond - these cities and the areas surrounding them have been devastated these last few decades by industries leaving for the South or for other countries altogether. Areas that used to be flush with well-paying jobs and opportunities have watched themselves fade away into a shell of what they used to be. Many people who were born there were forced to move away to find a future, many who stayed felt like they were left behind and forgotten by the government and industry leaders who seemed entirely disinterested in them. The Democratic Party - which used to be the working class party - became more and more identified with urban America, and western NY eventually became a bastion of the Republican party.
[Is this an oversimplification of things? Yes, but this blog post is covering a lot of territory, so we're gonna have to just call this sufficient for now.]
Along comes Trump. Brash-talking, shoot from the hip, politically incorrect Trump who regularly insults the 'political elites' - even within the Republican Party - and promises to reform a broken political system and listen to the 'real' Americans who've been screwed or forgotten or ignored by the federal government. He claims to be an outsider who's unbeholden to special interest groups or the wealthy folks who run America and who has the power and skill to shake things up.
This resounded deeply with folks in the Rust Belt - especially the white, Christian, conservative folks who've felt forgotten and powerless for years. They were willing to ignore and explain away the horrifically offensive, awful things he said about women, immigrants, Muslims, disabled folks, and the LGTBQ community because he promised to be the first presidential candidate in years to actually give a s#!& about rural America.
And that right there is the problem. As a progressive Christian feminist, I can't (and won't, and shouldn't, and never will) ignore or explain away the rhetoric that came / comes out of Trump's mouth. It has terrible results - words like these embolden the insecure, angry, frustrated people who bully, harass, and intimidate all the groups of people that Trump has denigrated. In the end, as unenthusiastic as I was about 4-8 more years with another Clinton in office (mainly because she's a centrist establishment candidate that wouldn't champion many of the progressive policies I support), it was not difficult for me to vote for her when Trump was the alternative.
Why? I mean, it's clear that I understand the anger and frustration people from rural and conservative America - why couldn't I (and why can't I) be on board with a Trump presidency?
There are 2 reasons that I can't - the first, I've already explained 2 paragraphs above (his shameless and dangerous insults of minorities, women, immigrants, etc) - but the second is this: the man is an insider, an elite, and a highly privileged man who consistently puts his own self interest above everything else. He strategically conned millions of poor and working class whites - especially in rural America - into believing he will work for them and their conservative values in office. He will not do that if it doesn't align with his own self-interest. And oftentimes, it won't. He's in big business. He's rich. He's incredibly ego-centric. And he eventually screws nearly everyone he's partnered with (i.e. his first two wives, many business partners, hundreds of small business owners he never paid for work they did for him..)
So this is where I find myself today: fearful for what a Trump presidency means for my friends of color, for women, for Muslims, for the LGBTQ community, for the many hard-working, incredible immigrants who come to this country for the chance of a better life. And I find myself disheartened for my conservative friends and family members who voted from Trump, because I know that this is not a man who ultimately cares about strengthening their communities or listening to their concerns.
Here is my hope - that my friends and family who voted for Trump will do these things:
(1) Stand up for the oppressed groups that have been bullied by Trump's rhetoric. Many conservatives who voted for Trump are protesting that they aren't racist, misogynist, homophobic, xenophobic, or anti-Muslim - prove it. You and I both are aware of the things that came from Trump's mouth, so make sure that if he tries to enact laws or policies that would harm these people, do your part to stand up for and protect them.
(2) Understand that progressives (or anyone who voted for Clinton) are not going to magically forget everything that happened during this election cycle and suddenly get behind Trump as their president. The uncomfortable fact is that Clinton got more votes than Trump, which means that there are more people angry about the election results than are happy about them. This anger, frustration, and fear is legitimate - even if you don't understand it. Here's what you can do: listen to these angers, frustrations, and fears. Let them sink in. Learn from their experiences. When you are willing to do this instead of just telling them to 'move on', you will find that not only will your relationship grow deeper, you will eventually have the capacity to find some common ground - even if it takes awhile. Be willing to put in that time and effort, because it's the only way unity can ever be possible.
(3) Remember that unity involves compromise. That's right - the candidate you supported will be president AND Republicans hold a majority in Congress. Guess what? Compromise still matters. Nothing will change if our Republican government tries to shove a bunch of divisive, controversial things through Congress. Yes, I know you're immediately thinking "but that's exactly what Obamacare is!" News flash: the Affordable Care Act, as it's called, was a bipartisan law that passed in a Republican-majority House of Representatives. Look it up if you don't believe me. The strongest and best democracies don't give into the Tyranny of the Majority concept - where the party with the majority in Congress just does whatever the hell it wants. If your Representative or Senator or President it being a tyrannical SOB, it's your job as a citizen to call them out for it and/or vote them out.
Here is my hope for my progressive friends and family members:
(1) It's okay to be angry and hurt and scared and frustrated and feel the full depth of whatever it is you're feeling right now. It's okay to withdraw for a time into the places and spaces you feel safest and most secure - especially if you're part of a group that's been targeted by Trump and/or his supporters. Know that you're loved and not alone, and remember that more people did not vote for Trump than those who did. You are an essential and valuable part of your community, your place of worship, and your country. I promise to always care for and support you the best I can - not just with my vote, but with my actions and my words.
Eventually, when you're ready, I encourage you to engage with your conservative friends and family who voted for Trump. They need your voice and your perspective. And we need to understand that although some of Trump's supporters were driven to the polls by hatred, racism, and sexism (the KKK, for example), many others were driven there by fear and a feeling that they'd been forgotten and left behind by the government. We can all agree that feeling voiceless, misunderstood and powerless is a terrible thing. People of color, women, Muslims, LGBTQ folks, disabled people (and many other groups) have ALWAYS felt degrees of marginalization in the US. Rural America and the working class went from feeling largely welcomed and celebrated in this country in the past to now feeling like they don't matter. If you're part of a group that's historically been oppressed in this nation, you have the gift of empathy and the strength of survival in a hostile environment. You are the ones who can truly help make America great, because you are the ones who have survived and thrived against all odds and can teach us all how to be more loving, more inclusive, more hopeful, and more prepared for whatever the future holds. Please don't give up or give in to despair or fear - we need you now more than ever to show us the way.
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