quarter life crisis time

"Youth is not a period of time. It is a state of mind, a result of the will, a quality of the imagination, a victory of courage over timidity, of the taste for adventure over the love of comfort. A man doesn't grow old because he has lived a certain number of years. A man grows old when he deserts his ideal. The years may wrinkle his skin, but deserting his ideal wrinkles his soul. Preocupations, fears, doubts, and despair are the enemies which slowly bow us toward earth and turn us into dust before death. You will remain young as long as you are open to what is beautiful, good, and great; receptive to the messages of other men and women, of nature and of God. If one day you should become bitter, pessimistic, and gnawed by despair, may God have mercy on your old man's soul."

-General Douglas MacArthur, as cited in The Ragamuffin Gospel [Brennan Manning] p. 186

Lately, a few of my friends in their mid-20s have been experiencing what I refer to as a quarter life crisis. They've finally acknowledged to themselves that they're not exactly happy with their current jobs and/or circumstances, and that life post-college isn't heading in a direction they had dreamed of.

They're approaching a soul-searching crossroads, facing the choice between continuing on their currently uninspired path of comfort/safety/security/predictability/stability or veering off onto a trail of risk/adventure/transition/dream-chasing.

Should a person stick with the familiar, dependable, well-paying job they can tolerate but never love, or should they cut themselves (terrifyingly) loose so they can run after the job or life they've been yearning for?

That's the question at the heart of the quarter life crisis. For most college-educated people in their low and mid 20s, they honestly don't have to make many huge, gut-wrenching choices until they're finally out of school. Although college offers some freedoms, everyone's still integrated into a structure on many levels. The rubber doesn't meet the road until the structure disappears in the rear-view mirror and the vast, incomprehensible world is above, beside and before you.

What do you do? Do you keep seeking structure, stability, predictability, or do you cast all that off in the pursuit of something new and uncharted?

Since my unofficial goal is (and always will be) to be a pirate captain, I'm pretty consistent on how I advise these friends-in-crisis. I honestly don't believe I could be satisfied (long-term) with a job or career that didn't light a spark in me. I'm aware that not every job is going to be the most-perfect-amazing-inspiring-rewarding-fireworks-all-the-time job. It's inevitable that there are times when you just have to suck it up and slog through the murky swamp you're in, but I think you can choose to keep your chin up through it all and keep moving toward the deep, clear river you've been dreaming of your whole life.

I know my way of thinking about all this isn't the only way. Some people genuinely seem just fine working at a job they're not in love with. They find other areas in their life where they can pursue what they want, what makes them happy, what fills them up. That's great, for them. Then there are some people who will never be able to reconcile themselves to settling down and choosing security and stability over what they really want to do, however elusive and impossible that may seem to be. So they face a quarter life crisis - and in the long run, I think that's a good thing.

A crisis reveals what lies within you, what your strengths, fears, insecurities, and priorities are. A crisis shakes you up, spins you around, and knocks off all the insincere surface stuff you hid behind before. When it's over, you may be a little breathless and a bit humbled, but you certainly know yourself more than you ever did before.