my vacation from life: learning about (unlabelled) rachel

It's been two and a half weeks since I've arrived in South Carolina. Eighteen days. Slightly over four hundred and thirty-two hours. Not that I'm counting or anything.

Seriously though, it's slipping by faster than I'd expected. It's also been better than I'd hoped.

For all that I had thought about (and blogged about) my anticipation of what Seminary will be like come January, I neglected thinking much about this odd little two month window of time between New York and Chicago. I could hardly form any expectations for this time because frankly, there was barely anything to structure my expectations around.

During this month and the next, I can literally do whatever I choose to do with my time. [There are limitations, of course, largely centered around a lack of income and my decision to not find a job and earn some money while I'm down here.] I was, and am, curious to see who I am and how I act - or react - to just being Rachel for two months. There are no comfortable labels for me to hide behind, like "student," "Americorps paralegal," or "youth minister." It's just me, no official occupation or clearly articulated purpose.

This idea might be making you uncomfortable. Pause for a moment. Imagine you had two entire months without a structured schedule, occupation, obligation, or pressure to do anything or be anywhere. Can you fathom how much this could potentially mess with your sense of identity? I think we often try to draw our sense of worth or value from what we do, what we accomplish, and how others view us. Could you deal with who you are, minus your position or role in society? By the end of these two months, I guess we'll find out if I can.

Now, this two month period of blank time in my life is not as traumatic as the scenario I just painted for you, based on the fact that 1). I know that this break from life is temporary and I know exactly when it ends, and 2). I have already settled on my next occupation as a student at North Park's seminary and business school.

However, there are still a little over two months were I have a massive amount of free time to do what I want. I have a theory that this two months of just being Rachel, without any label, may be a much clearer indicator of who I am than the comfortably labelled Rachel. Down here, my schedule is not filled up with work, youth group, and time with my friends (the last factor being based on the fact I have no friends down here lol). My time is almost entirely under my control, and I think that how I choose to spend that time may reflect more about my real identity than when my life is dominated by commitments I don't always have much control over.

Here are a few things I've learned (or affirmed) about myself in the last two and a half weeks:

*I love being outside. This is a part of me that suffered immensely while I lived in New York based on the, um, temperamental weather patterns of western New York.

That's just a nice way of saying the weather often blows there. Winter from November through April is not ok on any level. Did I mention I'll be in Chicago for most of the next four years? Awesome..

Here, it's been sunny and in the low 70s nearly every day. I walk my parents' dog, Ellie, a couple times a day, plus I get to either run, hike, or bike most days as well. I also get to read outside in the screened-in porch, sitting in a rocking chair, drinking excessive amounts of coffee while the suns streams over me, vaguely wondering if living in the South would be such a crazy idea after all.

*That being said, I am still convinced the North is better, and I continue to pledge my undying love and devotion to it. Amen.

*I like to cook. This one surprised me a little. What's even more surprising is that I'm kind of good at it. My sister bought me a Moosewood cookbook a few years ago, but until this month, all I'd done was flipped through it. The recipes in it all looked intimidatingly complicated and time-consuming, and they all required a lot of ingredients (which in turn required a lot of extra cash lying around). Thanks to my parents subsidizing this new cooking hobby (hey..they are benefitting from this too!), I've made a couple meals that have all turned out well. My best experiment so far was the minestrone I made last night.

*I like being around my parents! And no, I did not just stick this in here to suck up since they read this occasionally. I must admit the idea of moving in with them for two months made me nervous. I haven't lived with them for a significant amount of time since high school. Even during college, I was pretty much gone each summer. Spending all this time with them has been really nice so far, and it's good to know I've finally matured enough to co-exist peacefully with my parents. I feel like I should get some Grown-Up Points for this.

*I like reading. I really don't see the need to elaborate on this one.

*I like spending time with Jesus. Whew. My four years in Seminary would've been awfully long and painful if that had changed..

*I like having friends. Ironically, this was made clear due to my lack of friends down here. However, I have some pretty incredible friends scattered around the US...and world, actually...who are doing well staying in touch (and keeping me entertained). I'm also making sure I get out and meet people around here. If my only face-to-face social interaction over these two months was with my parents, that would just be Bad. Real, real bad. They're great, but there is no way that would be healthy. The sad part is, if I do end up finding any amazing friends down here over the next two months, I'm just going to end up abandoning them at the end of the year for Chicago.

On that cheerful note, this encompasses what I've learned about myself so far. Next week, I get to learn how unlabelled Rachel does while hanging out with her entire family during the much-anticipated Christthanksgivingmas 2011!