There's a reason I didn't get around to blogging until the last day of September (and that my post was pathetically short). It's the same reason my last two months have been a blur and my mind's been stuck on high gear, winding and winding away.
A problem has developed since the end of August. Life has subtly, gradually, ruthlessly become a bit unbalanced over here in the Windy City. My schedule is packed and bursting at the seams, and all the things I do - things I (mostly) care about and have chosen - have become embittered by a deficit of time, energy, and passion, as I have tried and failed to meet my superhuman expectations for all of them.
You see, I have a disease. I like to call it the Superwoman Syndrome, and I know I'm not the only one to suffer from it. There's this stubborn, strong-willed, perfectionist part of me that has recently taken up a dictatorship in my head. As my responsibilities and commitments have grown this semester at North Park, the superwoman side of me has stepped in to run the show. She tyrannizes over the rest of me, telling me I need to be working more, studying more, putting more effort in, spending less time on "things that don't matter" (like having fun and carving out time to simply find joy in life). And after all that, she tells me I'm still not good enough.
If my mind was just occupied by this Superwoman Syndrome, maybe I'd be OK with those ruthlessly perfectionist tendencies. I'd be scary as hell, but at least I'd be alright knowing I was 100% behind that driven, high-achievement seeking woman.
But I'm not. Superwoman doesn't hold a monopoly over my mind, and a few of that tyrant's subjects are not exactly happy with her at the moment. There's a large part of my head that acknowledges my need for joy, adventure, and creativity - making things simply for the sake of making them, not producing them with an assigned purpose, criteria, and impending evaluation. This part of me likes taking mini-adventures in the city, cooking, writing, making up stories with friends (generally revolving around the perennial Pirate Ship saga), playing the piano. It makes me incredibly sad to know how little I've seen this side of me this fall. I haven't been completely unfun, but man, there just hasn't been enough of this.
Besides Superwoman and the joy-seeking part of me, there's another part of me I've often been ignoring lately. Honestly, I've been avoiding this one most of my life. Part of me is messed up, imperfect, flawed, ugly, angry, lost, judgmental, scared... human. God, how I hate this part of me sometimes.
Did anyone else think that as you grew up, the screwed-up side of you would get smaller, or less powerful, or just go away altogether? Even though I wouldn't necessarily have said I thought it would go away, part of me really believed I could shake it. Being in Seminary throws this dilemma into sharp relief. Studying God, reading about God, meditating on God, praying to God, learning about God. Knowing we're supposed to look to Jesus as who we model our life after, but at the end of the day, I'm definitely still not Jesus.
Christian or not, we all have to deal with our uglier side eventually. Some people deny the ways they're messed up, some prefer to blame others, some come to hate themselves because they can't get rid of their brokenness, some celebrate their flaws and perhaps even flaunt them. All I'm hoping to do is look them straight in the eye, let them know I see them, and quit buying into the lie that I'll ever get past all my weaknesses.
The flawed and the joyful parts of me have been ignored and diminished far too long this fall. It's time to throw a coup and knock Superwoman off the throne. The funny thing is, I don't even think she'll object too much. There hasn't been any part of me that's enjoyed the overwhelmingly anxious cloud that's been following me around this semester, not even the tyrant that's partly to blame. The pursuit of perfection, marked by setting hopelessly high standards, is not the way to live a life. At least it's not the way I can live my life. I guess it's time to go have fun and maybe even mess up a bit.
10.07.2012
9.30.2012
overdrive
I can't tell you where September went, or most of August for that matter. It's slipped right through my fingers and left me sitting on the ground, breathless and trying to recover. I had to post tonight, even though it's short and leaves more questions than answers. (Every month for the past two years, I've written a post. I just can't bring myself to break that now!)
Something more substantial will come soon, just let me catch my breath first.
Something more substantial will come soon, just let me catch my breath first.
8.02.2012
the whirlwind tour of all my homes, part 2
It's a rainy Friday near the end of July, and I'm in a car heading East from Chicago with a dear friend of mine. We pass most of the time through Indiana and western Ohio catching up on our summers, then she drifts into sleep through central and eastern Ohio (not exactly an interesting stretch of highway..). She wakes up as evening starts to fall, the weather clears, and we near the western border of PA.
The tiny, barely noticeable swells of northern Ohio morph into real hill as we cross into Pennsylvania. The combination of hills, forests, and rustic farms sprinkled through the landscape we're passing through makes me feel deep waves of nostalgia for the homes I'm heading towards. Dusk falls and fireflies appear twinkling by the roadside as we drive on. Mist starts to settle into the valleys and dips in the wooded, hilly land around us, and I'm suddenly struck by how badly I've missed all this.
We spend the night in Meadville, PA with our friend and mentor Mollie in her house near our college's campus. In all, we spend about 11 hours with her and her family (most of which are spent sleeping), but it's good to reconnect with them, even through it's brief. The next morning finds us on the road again, this time heading North for western NY. By 10 AM, I'm standing in my fake parents' house in Bemus Point, and Jenna's back on the road, heading to a wedding near Rochester.
And just like that, I've reappeared in the two most significant homes I've had so far.
My short stay near Allegheny's campus in Meadville hardly does justice to the amount of time I lived there or the significant changes I went through there. However, I got three and a half days in Bemus and Jamestown, and I got to see dozens of people (and places) that have helped form me over my years living there. Here's my take on what those homes left me with.
Allegheny College:
College isn't about the classroom. Really. I'm not sure if I knew that going into school, but I certainly did after I left. College is about the relationships I built, the out-of-classroom experiences I had, the choices I made on what to pursue and what to care about, and taking those first hesitant steps towards the kind of life I wanted. The choices I made in college were generally intertwined and influenced by my faith in God and what He's put on my heart - a desire to serve, a passion for social justice, a strong sense of my identity and who I am that gives me the confidence to lead a different kind of life. My time at Allegheny also left me with the understanding that pursuing knowledge, wisdom, and what the "right" thing is for me to do with my life is a messy process filled with doubts, questioning, reassessing. I will never feel completely settled, satisfied, or content in who I am, what I am about, and where I'm heading, but I will make the choice to consistently seek God in all of that.
Jamestown / Bemus Point, NY:
It's nowhere near possible to understand all the ways a person's hometown has shaped and formed them, what it's taught them. I'll keep this as simple as I can, though the influence of this place on me is complex and far-reaching. Growing up here taught me perseverance and to root for the underdog (except when it comes to the NY Yankees...that's a whole different story.) It's taught me to love the simple things and to get outside whenever it's nice out, cause it's probably going to rain or snow later that day.
There are countless people here who have loved me, taken care of me, taught me, challenged me, affirmed me, and walked alongside me. It's the people in this home who I miss more than any place or thing in western NY.
I've come (and am still coming) to see the good in the place I'm from, while choosing to move onto other homes that are far from western NY. I have already lived other places - Allegheny College, Washington DC, Charleston, SC, San Antonio, TX and now Chicago - and will probably end up choosing many others. However, there's only one place I'm from, and that place will always be reflected in me in some small way.
The tiny, barely noticeable swells of northern Ohio morph into real hill as we cross into Pennsylvania. The combination of hills, forests, and rustic farms sprinkled through the landscape we're passing through makes me feel deep waves of nostalgia for the homes I'm heading towards. Dusk falls and fireflies appear twinkling by the roadside as we drive on. Mist starts to settle into the valleys and dips in the wooded, hilly land around us, and I'm suddenly struck by how badly I've missed all this.
We spend the night in Meadville, PA with our friend and mentor Mollie in her house near our college's campus. In all, we spend about 11 hours with her and her family (most of which are spent sleeping), but it's good to reconnect with them, even through it's brief. The next morning finds us on the road again, this time heading North for western NY. By 10 AM, I'm standing in my fake parents' house in Bemus Point, and Jenna's back on the road, heading to a wedding near Rochester.
And just like that, I've reappeared in the two most significant homes I've had so far.
My short stay near Allegheny's campus in Meadville hardly does justice to the amount of time I lived there or the significant changes I went through there. However, I got three and a half days in Bemus and Jamestown, and I got to see dozens of people (and places) that have helped form me over my years living there. Here's my take on what those homes left me with.
Allegheny College:
College isn't about the classroom. Really. I'm not sure if I knew that going into school, but I certainly did after I left. College is about the relationships I built, the out-of-classroom experiences I had, the choices I made on what to pursue and what to care about, and taking those first hesitant steps towards the kind of life I wanted. The choices I made in college were generally intertwined and influenced by my faith in God and what He's put on my heart - a desire to serve, a passion for social justice, a strong sense of my identity and who I am that gives me the confidence to lead a different kind of life. My time at Allegheny also left me with the understanding that pursuing knowledge, wisdom, and what the "right" thing is for me to do with my life is a messy process filled with doubts, questioning, reassessing. I will never feel completely settled, satisfied, or content in who I am, what I am about, and where I'm heading, but I will make the choice to consistently seek God in all of that.
Jamestown / Bemus Point, NY:
It's nowhere near possible to understand all the ways a person's hometown has shaped and formed them, what it's taught them. I'll keep this as simple as I can, though the influence of this place on me is complex and far-reaching. Growing up here taught me perseverance and to root for the underdog (except when it comes to the NY Yankees...that's a whole different story.) It's taught me to love the simple things and to get outside whenever it's nice out, cause it's probably going to rain or snow later that day.
There are countless people here who have loved me, taken care of me, taught me, challenged me, affirmed me, and walked alongside me. It's the people in this home who I miss more than any place or thing in western NY.
I've come (and am still coming) to see the good in the place I'm from, while choosing to move onto other homes that are far from western NY. I have already lived other places - Allegheny College, Washington DC, Charleston, SC, San Antonio, TX and now Chicago - and will probably end up choosing many others. However, there's only one place I'm from, and that place will always be reflected in me in some small way.
7.26.2012
the whirlwind tour of all my homes, part 1
Could somebody please explain to me how it's possible that of all the places I've been this summer - San Antonio, TX, Washington, DC, and Charleston, SC, Chicago feels the hottest?
Most people blame the humidity here. Some blame all the pavement that greedily soaks up and hoards all the heat from the day (as if it won't be getting plenty of heat the next day). Others would point out that Chicago's on the edge of the prairie, so it gets hit with extreme weather all the time.
Whatever the reason, or combination of reasons, I still think it's ridiculous that the northernmost city I've been in all summer has for the most part felt the hottest. Go look at a map. It'll make you rethink all you learned about climate and weather in elementary school, that's for sure. Apparently, getting further away from the equator doesn't guarantee cooler weather (sigh).
Despite all my uncalled for griping about the heat and humidity - my apartment is air-conditioned, after all - it's so good to be back in Chicago and the North! I just got back a few days ago from a quick trip to Charleston to see my parents. My five day vacation flew by, but it was definitely worth all the traveling to get to see them.
If you're thinking I'm finally settled in Chicago for the rest of the summer...think again.
I got back Monday morning and I leave again tomorrow to head east to NEW YORK!
Just to clarify, "New York" is a state, and doesn't primarily refer to a rather large, rather crowded city that inhabits the southeast corner of the Empire State. Some people get confused over this. Don't let yourself be one of them;)
Tomorrow morning, I hop on the L and head downtown to Millennium Station, where I hop on a train that will take me to NW Indiana. A good friend from my days at Allegheny College lives there, Jenna, and we'll be driving East together. We'll stay Friday night at Allegheny (in NW Pennsylvania), then finish the trip into NY the next morning. Before 11 o'clock AM I'll be standing again in the lovely Bemus Point, NY, breathing in the not-quite-as-lovely breeze coming off the lake (imagine fresh air infused with some nice algae and dead fish scents..).
After a few days in my hometown, I'll return to the Windy City for the next couple of weeks before taking off again.
A few days ago, I realized something a little funny about all my travels so far this summer. San Antonio, DC, Charleston, and soon Allegheny and Jamestown....these are all place I've called home at sometime. Without even noticing it, my summer's nomadic adventures have traced a route that took me to every home I've ever had.
Our homes shape us and leave their mark on us in some way, whether we like it or not. Here are some of the ways my many different homes have influenced me:
San Antonio:
Now I'm not exactly a Texan at heart. And that's putting it gently. However, I've spent the majority of two of my summers since '08 in San Antonio, TX, as a nanny for my (now 8 year old) cousin. I hadn't gotten to know this aunt and uncle all that well while growing up due to the distance between NY and TX, but I found myself suddenly part of their immediate family and taking care of the most important thing in their lives. Now I'm at the point where I half-believe Kirsten's my little sister, and I've taught her the most important things I've learned so far in life: make sure to celebrate Dino Day every summer, and it's fine to be super picky when it comes to dating. She's basically set for life now.
Charleston:
I've spent around 3 and half months at my parents house since they moved there in the summer of 2008, broken up into visits lasting anywhere from 5 days to 2 months. Visiting there was pretty odd, at first, and I wasn't willing to consider it anything remotely close to 'home' at first. There's a weird bitterness I had to get over when my parents moved down here - holidays were now spent in an alien place where I didn't know anyone beyond my own family, I didn't know how to get anywhere down here, and I didn't always feel like putting in the effort it takes to acclimate to a new place since everything else in my life was already so transitional.
Beyond that, all my time spent in Charleston was during that odd phase in life where I was not their little kid anymore but was suddenly a grown-up (or at least was forced to start making grown-up decisions). It's just strange to be under your parents' roof when all that is going on, even if it's for a short visit. Part of you loves the security and affirmation you get from being your parents' kid, while the other part of you wants to show you can manage your independence and strike out on your own path. I had to work through a lot of this stuff internally during my time in South Carolina, so that became the home in which I reconciled becoming a grown-up while remaining my parents' child.
Washington, DC:
This was my home for four months, during the fall semester of my Junior Year of undergrad - from Aug. through Dec. of '07. I was studying International Peace and Conflict Resolution at American University in the capital of the world's most powerful nation... exciting enough for you?! There are a lot of things I love about that home, and a lot of new things I got to live out and through. It was my first time living in a major city. I became really close to the class of 14 students who were studying in this program, and we experienced a lot of intense things together, especially our 3-week trip to the former Yugoslavia. We traipsed our way through a region that had been torn apart by war, genocide, and ethnic cleansing barely over a decade earlier, and it changed us all in ways we may not ever fully understand.
After we returned to the US, I had almost two more months in DC to process this and enjoy the rest of my time in that city before returning to Allegheny College. I love the energy, the passion, the persistence, the impossibly high dreams and goals that float around that city. It's intoxicating and motivating, in a way, but can also wear a soul out and make a person lose sight of what actually matters, what's actually real.
I'll leave my processing of my other two homes for another day. I haven't made my summer trips there yet, after all, and I could use a little reminder of all they've taught me so far.
Most people blame the humidity here. Some blame all the pavement that greedily soaks up and hoards all the heat from the day (as if it won't be getting plenty of heat the next day). Others would point out that Chicago's on the edge of the prairie, so it gets hit with extreme weather all the time.
Whatever the reason, or combination of reasons, I still think it's ridiculous that the northernmost city I've been in all summer has for the most part felt the hottest. Go look at a map. It'll make you rethink all you learned about climate and weather in elementary school, that's for sure. Apparently, getting further away from the equator doesn't guarantee cooler weather (sigh).
Despite all my uncalled for griping about the heat and humidity - my apartment is air-conditioned, after all - it's so good to be back in Chicago and the North! I just got back a few days ago from a quick trip to Charleston to see my parents. My five day vacation flew by, but it was definitely worth all the traveling to get to see them.
If you're thinking I'm finally settled in Chicago for the rest of the summer...think again.
I got back Monday morning and I leave again tomorrow to head east to NEW YORK!
Just to clarify, "New York" is a state, and doesn't primarily refer to a rather large, rather crowded city that inhabits the southeast corner of the Empire State. Some people get confused over this. Don't let yourself be one of them;)
Tomorrow morning, I hop on the L and head downtown to Millennium Station, where I hop on a train that will take me to NW Indiana. A good friend from my days at Allegheny College lives there, Jenna, and we'll be driving East together. We'll stay Friday night at Allegheny (in NW Pennsylvania), then finish the trip into NY the next morning. Before 11 o'clock AM I'll be standing again in the lovely Bemus Point, NY, breathing in the not-quite-as-lovely breeze coming off the lake (imagine fresh air infused with some nice algae and dead fish scents..).
After a few days in my hometown, I'll return to the Windy City for the next couple of weeks before taking off again.
A few days ago, I realized something a little funny about all my travels so far this summer. San Antonio, DC, Charleston, and soon Allegheny and Jamestown....these are all place I've called home at sometime. Without even noticing it, my summer's nomadic adventures have traced a route that took me to every home I've ever had.
Our homes shape us and leave their mark on us in some way, whether we like it or not. Here are some of the ways my many different homes have influenced me:
San Antonio:
Now I'm not exactly a Texan at heart. And that's putting it gently. However, I've spent the majority of two of my summers since '08 in San Antonio, TX, as a nanny for my (now 8 year old) cousin. I hadn't gotten to know this aunt and uncle all that well while growing up due to the distance between NY and TX, but I found myself suddenly part of their immediate family and taking care of the most important thing in their lives. Now I'm at the point where I half-believe Kirsten's my little sister, and I've taught her the most important things I've learned so far in life: make sure to celebrate Dino Day every summer, and it's fine to be super picky when it comes to dating. She's basically set for life now.
Charleston:
I've spent around 3 and half months at my parents house since they moved there in the summer of 2008, broken up into visits lasting anywhere from 5 days to 2 months. Visiting there was pretty odd, at first, and I wasn't willing to consider it anything remotely close to 'home' at first. There's a weird bitterness I had to get over when my parents moved down here - holidays were now spent in an alien place where I didn't know anyone beyond my own family, I didn't know how to get anywhere down here, and I didn't always feel like putting in the effort it takes to acclimate to a new place since everything else in my life was already so transitional.
Beyond that, all my time spent in Charleston was during that odd phase in life where I was not their little kid anymore but was suddenly a grown-up (or at least was forced to start making grown-up decisions). It's just strange to be under your parents' roof when all that is going on, even if it's for a short visit. Part of you loves the security and affirmation you get from being your parents' kid, while the other part of you wants to show you can manage your independence and strike out on your own path. I had to work through a lot of this stuff internally during my time in South Carolina, so that became the home in which I reconciled becoming a grown-up while remaining my parents' child.
Washington, DC:
This was my home for four months, during the fall semester of my Junior Year of undergrad - from Aug. through Dec. of '07. I was studying International Peace and Conflict Resolution at American University in the capital of the world's most powerful nation... exciting enough for you?! There are a lot of things I love about that home, and a lot of new things I got to live out and through. It was my first time living in a major city. I became really close to the class of 14 students who were studying in this program, and we experienced a lot of intense things together, especially our 3-week trip to the former Yugoslavia. We traipsed our way through a region that had been torn apart by war, genocide, and ethnic cleansing barely over a decade earlier, and it changed us all in ways we may not ever fully understand.
After we returned to the US, I had almost two more months in DC to process this and enjoy the rest of my time in that city before returning to Allegheny College. I love the energy, the passion, the persistence, the impossibly high dreams and goals that float around that city. It's intoxicating and motivating, in a way, but can also wear a soul out and make a person lose sight of what actually matters, what's actually real.
I'll leave my processing of my other two homes for another day. I haven't made my summer trips there yet, after all, and I could use a little reminder of all they've taught me so far.
6.30.2012
a nomadic summer in the making
As I write this, it's 10:30 a.m. and the temperature has already soared into the mid-90s. Texas has succeeded in completely throwing off my internal temperature..the mid-90s feels normal by now. I return to the North in a little under a week (not that Chicago's much cooler at the moment). However, there's at least hope for some relief from the heat there.
I can't even tell you how much I'm looking forward to a cold, rainy, grey day.
I'm also excited to get home. Chicago somehow managed to become that for me in four short (packed) months. I miss the people there, I miss my apartment, I miss the social life, and I miss having a city at my doorstep. When I get back, I have eight whole days to enjoy it before I leave again:)
Somehow, this summer has turned into a series of trips away from home. My trip to San Antonio, which is nearly over, is the longest by far (at six and a half weeks). A little over a week after I return to Chicago, I'll leave for DC for a couple days for a faith-rooted organizing training that Sojourners is holding. I get back from that on the 17th and leave for Charleston on the 18th for nearly a week to see my parents. Then I'll be back in Chicago for three weeks - hopefully heading to western New York for a long weekend somewhere in there! - before going to Indiana. I'll spend five days in Indiana for a leadership training/retreat with IIRON (Indiana & Illinois Regional Organizing Network) in preparation for my internship next year. The day after I get back from that (Aug. 18th) I fly out to Seattle, where I'll meet up with my friend Ellie (from North Park) and possibly our friend Sam to drive Ellie's car to Chicago for the fall semester. Then we drive over 2,000 miles to get back to Chicago by the 21st, since we need to help out with Orientation for the new students...
And then my fall semester begins.
Just like that, my whirlwind of a summer will be closed out and I'll revert to school-mode. Until then, there's a lot of fun to be had and many, many places to go:) I'll be traveling to or through about a dozen states and seeing all sorts of people I love and have missed.
Once in a while, I get a thought in the back of my mind that living nomadically isn't practical, it isn't "financially astute", and it must be a phase, because really, who lives this way forever? I'm sure as I get older I'll have times when I'm more rooted and grounded in one place, one community, one neighborhood, one set of friends/family/neighbors, but I can't imagine giving up the traveler within. Without even meaning to - without realizing it, even - I filled my summer with trips and adventures away from home because I love that and I want that. Although I call Chicago 'home' and before that considered Jamestown / Bemus / Camp Mission Meadows / Allegheny College home, part of my 'home' is also on the road. It's grounded in change, new sights and people, discovery, new understandings of what's beautiful and inspiring - and that is something I find when I travel.
Home is great, but the road still owns a part of me.
I can't even tell you how much I'm looking forward to a cold, rainy, grey day.
I'm also excited to get home. Chicago somehow managed to become that for me in four short (packed) months. I miss the people there, I miss my apartment, I miss the social life, and I miss having a city at my doorstep. When I get back, I have eight whole days to enjoy it before I leave again:)
Somehow, this summer has turned into a series of trips away from home. My trip to San Antonio, which is nearly over, is the longest by far (at six and a half weeks). A little over a week after I return to Chicago, I'll leave for DC for a couple days for a faith-rooted organizing training that Sojourners is holding. I get back from that on the 17th and leave for Charleston on the 18th for nearly a week to see my parents. Then I'll be back in Chicago for three weeks - hopefully heading to western New York for a long weekend somewhere in there! - before going to Indiana. I'll spend five days in Indiana for a leadership training/retreat with IIRON (Indiana & Illinois Regional Organizing Network) in preparation for my internship next year. The day after I get back from that (Aug. 18th) I fly out to Seattle, where I'll meet up with my friend Ellie (from North Park) and possibly our friend Sam to drive Ellie's car to Chicago for the fall semester. Then we drive over 2,000 miles to get back to Chicago by the 21st, since we need to help out with Orientation for the new students...
And then my fall semester begins.
Just like that, my whirlwind of a summer will be closed out and I'll revert to school-mode. Until then, there's a lot of fun to be had and many, many places to go:) I'll be traveling to or through about a dozen states and seeing all sorts of people I love and have missed.
Once in a while, I get a thought in the back of my mind that living nomadically isn't practical, it isn't "financially astute", and it must be a phase, because really, who lives this way forever? I'm sure as I get older I'll have times when I'm more rooted and grounded in one place, one community, one neighborhood, one set of friends/family/neighbors, but I can't imagine giving up the traveler within. Without even meaning to - without realizing it, even - I filled my summer with trips and adventures away from home because I love that and I want that. Although I call Chicago 'home' and before that considered Jamestown / Bemus / Camp Mission Meadows / Allegheny College home, part of my 'home' is also on the road. It's grounded in change, new sights and people, discovery, new understandings of what's beautiful and inspiring - and that is something I find when I travel.
Home is great, but the road still owns a part of me.
5.25.2012
top 3 things about life as a chicago-based jesus school student
It's 12:41 pm on a blindingly sunny day in San Antonio, and I'm sitting in a Starbucks with enough free time to finally update this blog.
Five days ago at this time, I was in the sweltering humidity of Chicago, packing my bags for a 7-week trip down to Texas.
Six days before that, I was finishing my last final exam for the Spring semester, which I finished 4 hours before the midnight deadline (further proof that procrastination just won't stop rewarding me).
Life doesn't slow slow down much, does it? It may change gears a little, but it refuses to be static or stationary. Also, my nomadic tendencies - which I sometimes wondered might be a phase - don't seem to be going anywhere either. I've lived four whole months in Chicago, which was broken up by a trip to Newark for my best friend's wedding in March, and I was already itching to go somewhere else by early May.
So here I am in the Republic of Texas until early July. While nannying for my cousin, who's the greatest 8-year old you'll ever meet, I'm taking a couple of online business classes for my Nonprofit Administration degree. This clearly won't be a restful, laid-back break from life by any means, but I do have time to look back at my first semester at Jesus school and business school in Chicago and try to make some sense of it all.
As I've said before, my overall experience at North Park and in Chicago has been great so far. Fantastic people, interesting coursework, incredible city, good university. Looking a little deeper into it all, here are the top 3 things about my life as a Seminary student in Chicago so far:
1). Jesus school students are fun. No, seriously!
Before I came to North Park, I had some huge reservations about the people I'd be encountering at Seminary. I was a little paranoid that every discussion, even at parties (heck, I wasn't even sure they had parties) was going to end in some heavy theological debate, in which case I would've had to make up a lot of excuses to duck out of conversations...
The truth is, most of the students at Seminary are a lot of fun. Something I didn't consider before is that most people going into ministry are super relational and creative. That combination = fun. Also, they all genuinely care about people and do their best to treat them well, so there's less drama and ridiculousness (of the bad sort) than you'd find among other communities of young adults.
This community is far from perfect, but the people here are pretty wonderful and take every chance they can get to hang out and enjoy life...no theological debate required.
2). Chicago's weather rocks. Well, at least since I've been there.
I moved to Chicago in January, expecting to hate and avoid the outdoors for the next two months, as wind chills dipped below zero and snow flew by the windows horizontally.
But that didn't exactly happen. We had a mild winter, followed by an unseasonably warm spring. During my spring break in mid-March, it was sunny and in the high-70s nearly every day. April was a little closer to its average temperature, but May brought us back to feeling like it was early summertime. It was starting to heat up when I left on Monday, and I've heard summer are brutally hot and humid.. but hey, maybe we'll keep getting lucky for a while.
All I know is that the last week before I left, my friends and I played outside on the campus greenspace, went to the beach, and started building our summer tans. I haven't had a reason to complain, so I'll naively believe the weather will continue its brush with perfection into the summer.
3). College is so much better the second time around.
Ok, so this is not undergrad, part 2 (which I'm personally thankful for). My time at Allegheny was great and all, but life in undergrad is not exactly a healthy or sustainable lifestyle. I'm frankly shocked some people I know survived their four years of undergrad. No one sleeps enough, most people gain (and then add onto) their Freshman 15, some destroy their livers, and the undergrad education doesn't usually prepare people to succeed in real life. It prepares you for more school, if anything.
Grad school is different, in such good ways. [One exception: acquiring more school loans is a terrible feeling, especially when you work for a couple years after undergrad and get used to making money.) I know my grad school experience is not the typical one, since I'm in a dual degree program uniting a Seminary and business school, all while living on campus.However, grad school classes challenge students to think critically, apply what they learn, and encourages them to get out of the classroom and learn through experience. It's easy for most people to float through undergrad without ever learning anything beyond theory and nice ideas. Grad school wants you to go out, get your hands a little dirty and make mistakes so you can learn how things really work in the world. Theory finally meets practice, and your head knowledge travels down to your heart, your hands, and your feet.
That's enough reflecting for the day. I hope this gives you a little window into what I'm learning at North Park so far. A lot of what is teaching me, changing me, and challenging me hasn't been in the classroom. School is great, and being a student suits me well, but what I'm really excited about is the life beyond my classes. My studies are giving me the knowledge I'll need, but everything else is shaping how I'll use that knowledge to bring about change on this crazy, spinning planet.
Five days ago at this time, I was in the sweltering humidity of Chicago, packing my bags for a 7-week trip down to Texas.
Six days before that, I was finishing my last final exam for the Spring semester, which I finished 4 hours before the midnight deadline (further proof that procrastination just won't stop rewarding me).
Life doesn't slow slow down much, does it? It may change gears a little, but it refuses to be static or stationary. Also, my nomadic tendencies - which I sometimes wondered might be a phase - don't seem to be going anywhere either. I've lived four whole months in Chicago, which was broken up by a trip to Newark for my best friend's wedding in March, and I was already itching to go somewhere else by early May.
So here I am in the Republic of Texas until early July. While nannying for my cousin, who's the greatest 8-year old you'll ever meet, I'm taking a couple of online business classes for my Nonprofit Administration degree. This clearly won't be a restful, laid-back break from life by any means, but I do have time to look back at my first semester at Jesus school and business school in Chicago and try to make some sense of it all.
As I've said before, my overall experience at North Park and in Chicago has been great so far. Fantastic people, interesting coursework, incredible city, good university. Looking a little deeper into it all, here are the top 3 things about my life as a Seminary student in Chicago so far:
1). Jesus school students are fun. No, seriously!
Before I came to North Park, I had some huge reservations about the people I'd be encountering at Seminary. I was a little paranoid that every discussion, even at parties (heck, I wasn't even sure they had parties) was going to end in some heavy theological debate, in which case I would've had to make up a lot of excuses to duck out of conversations...
The truth is, most of the students at Seminary are a lot of fun. Something I didn't consider before is that most people going into ministry are super relational and creative. That combination = fun. Also, they all genuinely care about people and do their best to treat them well, so there's less drama and ridiculousness (of the bad sort) than you'd find among other communities of young adults.
This community is far from perfect, but the people here are pretty wonderful and take every chance they can get to hang out and enjoy life...no theological debate required.
2). Chicago's weather rocks. Well, at least since I've been there.
I moved to Chicago in January, expecting to hate and avoid the outdoors for the next two months, as wind chills dipped below zero and snow flew by the windows horizontally.
But that didn't exactly happen. We had a mild winter, followed by an unseasonably warm spring. During my spring break in mid-March, it was sunny and in the high-70s nearly every day. April was a little closer to its average temperature, but May brought us back to feeling like it was early summertime. It was starting to heat up when I left on Monday, and I've heard summer are brutally hot and humid.. but hey, maybe we'll keep getting lucky for a while.
All I know is that the last week before I left, my friends and I played outside on the campus greenspace, went to the beach, and started building our summer tans. I haven't had a reason to complain, so I'll naively believe the weather will continue its brush with perfection into the summer.
3). College is so much better the second time around.
Ok, so this is not undergrad, part 2 (which I'm personally thankful for). My time at Allegheny was great and all, but life in undergrad is not exactly a healthy or sustainable lifestyle. I'm frankly shocked some people I know survived their four years of undergrad. No one sleeps enough, most people gain (and then add onto) their Freshman 15, some destroy their livers, and the undergrad education doesn't usually prepare people to succeed in real life. It prepares you for more school, if anything.
Grad school is different, in such good ways. [One exception: acquiring more school loans is a terrible feeling, especially when you work for a couple years after undergrad and get used to making money.) I know my grad school experience is not the typical one, since I'm in a dual degree program uniting a Seminary and business school, all while living on campus.However, grad school classes challenge students to think critically, apply what they learn, and encourages them to get out of the classroom and learn through experience. It's easy for most people to float through undergrad without ever learning anything beyond theory and nice ideas. Grad school wants you to go out, get your hands a little dirty and make mistakes so you can learn how things really work in the world. Theory finally meets practice, and your head knowledge travels down to your heart, your hands, and your feet.
That's enough reflecting for the day. I hope this gives you a little window into what I'm learning at North Park so far. A lot of what is teaching me, changing me, and challenging me hasn't been in the classroom. School is great, and being a student suits me well, but what I'm really excited about is the life beyond my classes. My studies are giving me the knowledge I'll need, but everything else is shaping how I'll use that knowledge to bring about change on this crazy, spinning planet.
4.25.2012
practical dreaming about changing the world
One of my classes this semester is 'Mobilizing for Justice', where we discuss many of the injustices that exist in the world today (not all of them...there's not enough time for that). We talk about the brokenness in the economic, political, social, and even religious systems that exist today. Sounds like a depressing class, doesn't it?
But we also look at how we can transform the world. Yes, we take a close look at the twisted, sick, toxic, unjust aspects of our current reality, but we do not (and cannot) stop there. We start envisioning how those problems and issues can be attacked and rooted out. We study and discuss how transformation has already occurred. We talk about why, as Christians, we need to care about these things. In a society that feeds us these mistruths/deceptions: everyone can pull themselves up by their bootstraps, that goodness, hard work, and virtue will surely result in personal wealth, that charity is always enabling, that sharing resources is communism (heaven forbid), that poor people are poor because they're lazy, that racism has disappeared and has nothing to do with economic inequality today.....we need to take a good hard look at injustices in our society and figure out how to tear them down.
I recently read a book for this class titled Building a People of Power, by Robert Linthicum (2005) and wrote a brief reflection on it. I wanted to share part of that writing here, as the book's theme of empowering people to bring about change struck a deep chord within me. Here's a little of what I wrote:
But we also look at how we can transform the world. Yes, we take a close look at the twisted, sick, toxic, unjust aspects of our current reality, but we do not (and cannot) stop there. We start envisioning how those problems and issues can be attacked and rooted out. We study and discuss how transformation has already occurred. We talk about why, as Christians, we need to care about these things. In a society that feeds us these mistruths/deceptions: everyone can pull themselves up by their bootstraps, that goodness, hard work, and virtue will surely result in personal wealth, that charity is always enabling, that sharing resources is communism (heaven forbid), that poor people are poor because they're lazy, that racism has disappeared and has nothing to do with economic inequality today.....we need to take a good hard look at injustices in our society and figure out how to tear them down.
I recently read a book for this class titled Building a People of Power, by Robert Linthicum (2005) and wrote a brief reflection on it. I wanted to share part of that writing here, as the book's theme of empowering people to bring about change struck a deep chord within me. Here's a little of what I wrote:
In a world where it often seems that most of the power is
held in the tight fists of the elite, Robert Linthicum’s book is a timely
reminder that it does not need to stay that way. His book was written for the
church as a praxis manual in which theory – explaining the biblical understanding
of power and why we must wield it to bring about the shalom of our communities and cities – meets practice – demonstrating
how this can be accomplished through various methods. His central thesis is
that in order to truly transform communities into the kingdom-inspired shalom
communities that God intended, the church must seek to empower and walk
alongside the poor, the oppressed, and the marginalized of society.
The concept from Linthicum’s book that stuck with me the
most was his Iron Rule and how this plays into his vision for building up
powerful people. The Iron Rule states, “never do for others what they can do
for themselves,” and it is a key concept for any type of community organizing
(regardless of if they use the “Iron Rule” name for the concept). Community
organizers understand that in order for a community to be transformed, it must
ultimately be the people of the community who take ownership of solving
whatever problems they are facing. There are many well-meaning, compassionate,
do-gooders who have seriously harmed people and communities by doing things and
providing things for people that they simply should not have done. They took
the easier, shorter route of directly stepping in and trying to ‘fix’ something
quickly, while the best solution was the long-term route of empowering and
building up the people themselves. The Iron Rule reminds us to keep in mind the
extraordinary capabilities people have for learning, growing, stretching, and rising
up to meet the challenges they face. The church is called to walk alongside
those struggling people in solidarity and support, helping them cultivate and
channel the power they contain within themselves.
However, most churches have yet to move beyond compassion and mercy ministries towards advocacy and justice. Many churchgoers hardly understand the
biblical mandates behind social justice and the call to work for the shalom of
the city. Churches that are still stuck in engaging in only compassion and
mercy ministries must be taught about God’s heart for justice and the commands
in his Word to strive for it. This cannot be taught simply from the pulpit or
in formal classroom-style lectures or trainings. The need to work for justice
should also be taught through dialogue – such as storytelling – and
experiential learning in or near their community. Before they learn the
definition of ‘Iron Rule’ and other concepts necessary for empowering people,
the Iron Rule must be applied to them. The church’s leadership cannot impose
the need to seek justice on the congregants; the congregation must take
ownership of their call to strive for justice in their communities. As they
begin to grasp for themselves the understanding of the injustices that plague our
world and our society, then they can begin to learn how to stand up against the powers and principalities. The church
itself must be empowered to seek justice and live into that before it can go
out to its community and effectively build up the marginalized and the
oppressed.
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