2012 and the not-so-new New Year

The sun has already set on 2012 in the Windy City, and the cold night's only going to get colder. It's my first time celebrating the New Year in Chicago, and I get to ring in 2013 on this frigid night with some good friends I hadn't even met a year ago. 2012's been one of the most interesting and full years I've had so far, and I can only imagine 2013 will have a few surprises up its sleeve as well.

I can't look back on 2012 and try to label it a good or bad year or anything that simplistic. There's no way I can summarize or lump together a collection of 365 days that took me many new places and through many new things. It's been hard but rewarding, exhausting but clarifying, surprising and exciting but predictable in some ways. I can say with all honesty I'm glad it's over, just due to the sheer amount of energy and endurance it took to get through it all - but at the same time, I know the year that we all just passed through doesn't just vanish into the past once we hit January 1st. There are things I started, things I ended, choices I made, and choices I put on hold during the last year (years, really) that will shape the next year I'm about to leap into.

Knowing that takes away any pressure that could build up as the new year slips into place. I'm hoping to hold onto that renewing, refreshing, joyful feeling that comes with the promise of a new year while still remembering that there doesn't need to be any pressure to superhumanly change and improve everything about my life in the next 365 days.

On this night that I'm look both backwards and forwards, reconciling the lessons of 2012 with the hope of 2013, here are the top 5 things I learned this past year - lessons I want to carry with me on our next rotation around the sun:

5) Sometimes your perspective is more important that your circumstances.
This last fall was probably the hardest time I've gone through yet. It was often exhausting, draining, confusing, and packed with too many commitments. I have never been so anxious for so long before, and it made me pretty miserable. About halfway through the semester, I finally started adopting a healthier perspective on life (i.e. did I really think straight As matter anymore? Oh wait...they never mattered as much as I thought they did..). I relaxed more and reminded myself what really mattered - God, the people in my life, health, peace, my real purpose, just to mention a few. The billions of little things that were pulling me down started to lift because I  stopped letting them outweigh their real importance.

4) Sometimes your circumstances matter more than your perspective.
Contradictory? Yes. Truth? Absolutely. My life's circumstances this past year may have been overwhelming at times, but they were also more than manageable. They seemed super hard because I let myself believe they were. My perspective was so off-kilter that it started to affect my reality. For example - I'd feel stressed so I'd convince myself I needed a day off from my schoolwork, and I'd end up making my next day even more stressful. My pessimism made my circumstances even worse. If I'd just taken a good, hard look at what my situation was instead of focusing on how overwhelmed I felt, I would've realized things were just fine.

3) When you're feeling sorry for yourself, suck it up and go spend time with someone.
Clear enough? I hope you like tough love this New Year's eve:) Isolation can breed all sorts of trouble. It's important to be able to spend time alone (especially for all you introverts out there), and being alone can yield a lot of good things. Praying and meditating on God needs to be done by yourself sometimes; you need time to reflect on the crazy things life's throwing at you; maybe you just need to be away from someone for awhile. But always choosing isolation when you're in pain or overwhelmed is the equivalent to shooting yourself in the foot when you've already shot yourself in the hand. Learn to trust the people you love with the pain you carry. They can help bring you out of that dark place, and they'll remind you the most important thing we know - that we're worth loving.

2) Eat peppermint patties every day. Every. Single. Day.
So peppermint patties are one of my favorite things. A lot of my friends have learned to associate them with me by now. (Which means they often give them to me. Bonus!). They're amazingly delicious and relatively healthy...I mean, as far as candy goes. Some of you may not like them. Fools. The point is, make sure you do things that bring you joy every day. Even if it's as small (yet wonderful) as biting into a York Peppermint Patty, don't ever give up on pursing things that bring your life and joy.

1) Always stay open and listening for what comes next.
Whether things are good or bad, they will change. Always. Transition is one of the only things we can count on. That may seem frightening, but it's only frightening if you start putting your hope in temporary, tangible things. You want to hear one of the most amazing things about humans, about you and me? We're adaptable. We transform. We choose what we like from our environment - the life around us, the people around us, the books we read, the food we eat, the jobs we choose, the hobbies we pursue (the list just keeps going) and we make them part of ourselves. Which means we can became some pretty amazing creatures. God was quite clever when he made us so flexible and adaptive - He gifted us with the capacity to become people who brought love, life, healing, peace, joy, and so much more(!) to this world.

And that is what gives me hope as we roll into the new year. Bring it on, 2013 - I'll take what's best from you and make it part of me.

advent reflection on pharaohs, wall street execs, justice...and a partridge and a pear tree

*Spoiler Alert* There is NOTHING about partridges or pear trees in this post. Sorry if this ruins the post for you, but I trust you'll get over it quickly enough;)

A friend of mine at Seminary asked me to write a short reflection relating Exodus 5:1-2 to the labor movement, which will be included in a collection of writings/devotions for the upcoming Advent season that his labor rights organization is publishing. Honestly, I hope it makes you a little uncomfortable - both by causing you to look at what our country values based on the gods it serves, and also in challenging you to reflect on what you value, who you serve, and if you're willing to stand up for people who are currently exploited in the 'land of the free and the home of the brave.'

Afterward Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and said, “Thus says the LORD, the God of Israel, ‘Let my people go, so that they may celebrate a festival to me in the wilderness.” But Pharaoh said, “Who is the LORD, that I should heed him and let Israel go? I do not know the LORD, and I will not let Israel go.” Exodus 5:1-2

History has a notoriously long and checkered past regarding the exploitation of others, particularly of laborers. As harsh and unreasonable as Pharaoh was to the Israelites he had enslaved and forced into hard labor, he was not the first, the last, the worst, or particularly outstanding in the unjust treatment of his workers.

Vast inequality of wealth and power in a society has - and does - result in abuse of those in the lower classes, including the working class. Whether it is Pharaoh or the CEO of a major multi-national corporation, when that much power and wealth is concentrated in only a few hands, power and wealth will corrupt them. In Exodus 5:2, Pharaoh shows no compassion, justice, or mercy to his laborers. He refuses to give them any rest or respite from their work. In fact, if you read beyond verse 2, you will find that Pharaoh actually commands the supervisors to make their labor more difficult! Power and wealth are his gods, so why would he need to acknowledge or obey Yahweh, Lord of the Israelites?

Listening and obeying Yahweh and choosing to treat his laborers humanely would diminish Pharaoh’s gods of wealth and power. The gods Pharaoh worshiped are the same gods worshiped on Wall Street today. Greed, wealth, power, and personal fortune may have morphed from ruling over all Egypt to owning yachts, an impressive 401k, and the newest limited edition Mercedes-Benz, but they remain the same destructive forces they have always been on society.

The good news is that those gods, those false idols, are nothing compared with God. We know the end of the Exodus story. Yahweh prevails, punishes Pharaoh and his realm with plagues and destruction, and liberates his people from their oppressors. The laborers are set free from the soul-wrenching, brutal work they were forced to do for many years, and they were finally able to set out for the Promised Land. Was it easy? No. It took courage, strength, endurance, persistence, vision, and faith – which were all provided by the God who loved his people tremendously. The God who still loves his people tremendously. He still hears the cries of those who labor under awful conditions, who are desperate for respite and rescue, and He will answer them.

The question is this: will we continue to compliantly allow the gods of power and wealth to retain their hold over our society, or will we hear these cries for help and respond obediently to living out God’s call for justice?

the coup against superwoman

There's a reason I didn't get around to blogging until the last day of September (and that my post was pathetically short). It's the same reason my last two months have been a blur and my mind's been stuck on high gear, winding and winding away.

A problem has developed since the end of August. Life has subtly, gradually, ruthlessly become a bit unbalanced over here in the Windy City. My schedule is packed and bursting at the seams, and all the things I do - things I (mostly) care about and have chosen - have become embittered by a deficit of time, energy, and passion, as I have tried and failed to meet my superhuman expectations for all of them.

You see, I have a disease. I like to call it the Superwoman Syndrome, and I know I'm not the only one to suffer from it. There's this stubborn, strong-willed, perfectionist part of me that has recently taken up a dictatorship in my head. As my responsibilities and commitments have grown this semester at North Park, the superwoman side of me has stepped in to run the show. She tyrannizes over the rest of me, telling me I need to be working more, studying more, putting more effort in, spending less time on "things that don't matter" (like having fun and carving out time to simply find joy in life). And after all that, she tells me I'm still not good enough.

If my mind was just occupied by this Superwoman Syndrome, maybe I'd be OK with those ruthlessly perfectionist tendencies. I'd be scary as hell, but at least I'd be alright knowing I was 100% behind that driven, high-achievement seeking woman.

But I'm not. Superwoman doesn't hold a monopoly over my mind, and a few of that tyrant's subjects are not exactly happy with her at the moment. There's a large part of my head that acknowledges my need for joy, adventure, and creativity - making things simply for the sake of making them, not producing them with an assigned purpose, criteria, and impending evaluation. This part of me likes taking mini-adventures in the city, cooking, writing, making up stories with friends (generally revolving around the perennial Pirate Ship saga), playing the piano. It makes me incredibly sad to know how little I've seen this side of me this fall. I haven't been completely unfun, but man, there just hasn't been enough of this.

Besides Superwoman and the joy-seeking part of me, there's another part of me I've often been ignoring lately. Honestly, I've been avoiding this one most of my life. Part of me is messed up, imperfect, flawed, ugly, angry, lost, judgmental, scared... human. God, how I hate this part of me sometimes.

Did anyone else think that as you grew up, the screwed-up side of you would get smaller, or less powerful, or just go away altogether? Even though I wouldn't necessarily have said I thought it would go away, part of me really believed I could shake it. Being in Seminary throws this dilemma into sharp relief. Studying God, reading about God, meditating on God, praying to God, learning about God. Knowing we're supposed to look to Jesus as who we model our life after, but at the end of the day, I'm definitely still not Jesus.

Christian or not, we all have to deal with our uglier side eventually. Some people deny the ways they're messed up, some prefer to blame others, some come to hate themselves because they can't get rid of their brokenness, some celebrate their flaws and perhaps even flaunt them. All I'm hoping to do is look them straight in the eye, let them know I see them, and quit buying into the lie that I'll ever get past all my weaknesses.

The flawed and the joyful parts of me have been ignored and diminished far too long this fall. It's time to throw a coup and knock Superwoman off the throne. The funny thing is, I don't even think she'll object too much. There hasn't been any part of me that's enjoyed the overwhelmingly anxious cloud that's been following me around this semester, not even the tyrant that's partly to blame. The pursuit of perfection, marked by setting hopelessly high standards, is not the way to live a life. At least it's not the way I can live my life. I guess it's time to go have fun and maybe even mess up a bit.

overdrive

I can't tell you where September went, or most of August for that matter. It's slipped right through my fingers and left me sitting on the ground, breathless and trying to recover. I had to post tonight, even though it's short and leaves more questions than answers. (Every month for the past two years, I've written a post. I just can't bring myself to break that now!)

Something more substantial will come soon, just let me catch my breath first.

the whirlwind tour of all my homes, part 2

It's a rainy Friday near the end of July, and I'm in a car heading East from Chicago with a dear friend of mine. We pass most of the time through Indiana and western Ohio catching up on our summers, then she drifts into sleep through central and eastern Ohio (not exactly an interesting stretch of highway..). She wakes up as evening starts to fall, the weather clears, and we near the western border of PA.

The tiny, barely noticeable swells of northern Ohio morph into real hill as we cross into Pennsylvania. The combination of hills, forests, and rustic farms sprinkled through the landscape we're passing through makes me feel deep waves of nostalgia for the homes I'm heading towards. Dusk falls and fireflies appear twinkling by the roadside as we drive on. Mist starts to settle into the valleys and dips in the wooded, hilly land around us, and I'm suddenly struck by how badly I've missed all this.

We spend the night in Meadville, PA with our friend and mentor Mollie in her house near our college's campus. In all, we spend about 11 hours with her and her family (most of which are spent sleeping), but it's good to reconnect with them, even through it's brief. The next morning finds us on the road again, this time heading North for western NY. By 10 AM, I'm standing in my fake parents' house in Bemus Point, and Jenna's back on the road, heading to a wedding near Rochester.

And just like that, I've reappeared in the two most significant homes I've had so far.

My short stay near Allegheny's campus in Meadville hardly does justice to the amount of time I lived there or the significant changes I went through there. However, I got three and a half days in Bemus and Jamestown, and I got to see dozens of people (and places) that have helped form me over my years living there. Here's my take on what those homes left me with.

Allegheny College:

College isn't about the classroom. Really. I'm not sure if I knew that going into school, but I certainly did after I left. College is about the relationships I built, the out-of-classroom experiences I had, the choices I made on what to pursue and what to care about, and taking those first hesitant steps towards the kind of life I wanted. The choices I made in college were generally intertwined and influenced by my faith in God and what He's put on my heart - a desire to serve, a passion for social justice, a strong sense of my identity and who I am that gives me the confidence to lead a different kind of life. My time at Allegheny also left me with the understanding that pursuing knowledge, wisdom, and what the "right" thing is for me to do with my life is a messy process filled with doubts, questioning, reassessing. I will never feel completely settled, satisfied, or content in who I am, what I am about, and where I'm heading, but I will make the choice to consistently seek God in all of that.

Jamestown / Bemus Point, NY:

It's nowhere near possible to understand all the ways a person's hometown has shaped and formed them, what it's taught them. I'll keep this as simple as I can, though the influence of this place on me is complex and far-reaching. Growing up here taught me perseverance and to root for the underdog (except when it comes to the NY Yankees...that's a whole different story.) It's taught me to love the simple things and to get outside whenever it's nice out, cause it's probably going to rain or snow later that day.

There are countless people here who have loved me, taken care of me, taught me, challenged me, affirmed me, and walked alongside me. It's the people in this home who I miss more than any place or thing in western NY.

I've come (and am still coming) to see the good in the place I'm from, while choosing to move onto other homes that are far from western NY. I have already lived other places - Allegheny College, Washington DC, Charleston, SC, San Antonio, TX and now Chicago - and will probably end up choosing many others. However, there's only one place I'm from, and that place will always be reflected in me in some small way.

the whirlwind tour of all my homes, part 1

Could somebody please explain to me how it's possible that of all the places I've been this summer - San Antonio, TX, Washington, DC, and Charleston, SC, Chicago feels the hottest?

Most people blame the humidity here. Some blame all the pavement that greedily soaks up and hoards all the heat from the day (as if it won't be getting plenty of heat the next day). Others would point out that Chicago's on the edge of the prairie, so it gets hit with extreme weather all the time.

Whatever the reason, or combination of reasons, I still think it's ridiculous that the northernmost city I've been in all summer has for the most part felt the hottest. Go look at a map. It'll make you rethink all you learned about climate and weather in elementary school, that's for sure. Apparently, getting further away from the equator doesn't guarantee cooler weather (sigh).

Despite all my uncalled for griping about the heat and humidity - my apartment is air-conditioned, after all - it's so good to be back in Chicago and the North! I just got back a few days ago from a quick trip to Charleston to see my parents. My five day vacation flew by, but it was definitely worth all the traveling to get to see them.

If you're thinking I'm finally settled in Chicago for the rest of the summer...think again.

I got back Monday morning and I leave again tomorrow to head east to NEW YORK!

Just to clarify, "New York" is a state, and doesn't primarily refer to a rather large, rather crowded city that inhabits the southeast corner of the Empire State. Some people get confused over this. Don't let yourself be one of them;)

Tomorrow morning, I hop on the L and head downtown to Millennium Station, where I hop on a train that will take me to NW Indiana. A good friend from my days at Allegheny College lives there, Jenna, and we'll be driving East together. We'll stay Friday night at Allegheny (in NW Pennsylvania), then finish the trip into NY the next morning. Before 11 o'clock AM I'll be standing again in the lovely Bemus Point, NY, breathing in the not-quite-as-lovely breeze coming off the lake (imagine fresh air infused with some nice algae and dead fish scents..).

After a few days in my hometown, I'll return to the Windy City for the next couple of weeks before taking off again.

A few days ago, I realized something a little funny about all my travels so far this summer. San Antonio, DC, Charleston, and soon Allegheny and Jamestown....these are all place I've called home at sometime. Without even noticing it, my summer's nomadic adventures have traced a route that took me to every home I've ever had.

Our homes shape us and leave their mark on us in some way, whether we like it or not. Here are some of the ways my many different homes have influenced me:

San Antonio:
Now I'm not exactly a Texan at heart. And that's putting it gently. However, I've spent the majority of two of my summers since '08 in San Antonio, TX, as a nanny for my (now 8 year old) cousin. I hadn't gotten to know this aunt and uncle all that well while growing up due to the distance between NY and TX, but I found myself suddenly part of their immediate family and taking care of the most important thing in their lives. Now I'm at the point where I half-believe Kirsten's my little sister, and I've taught her the most important things I've learned so far in life: make sure to celebrate Dino Day every summer, and it's fine to be super picky when it comes to dating. She's basically set for life now.

Charleston:
I've spent around 3 and half months at my parents house since they moved there in the summer of 2008, broken up into visits lasting anywhere from 5 days to 2 months. Visiting there was pretty odd, at first, and I wasn't willing to consider it anything remotely close to 'home' at first. There's a weird bitterness I had to get over when my parents moved down here - holidays were now spent in an alien place where I didn't know anyone beyond my own family, I didn't know how to get anywhere down here, and I didn't always feel like putting in the effort it takes to acclimate to a new place since everything else in my life was already so transitional.

Beyond that, all my time spent in Charleston was during that odd phase in life where I was not their little kid anymore but was suddenly a grown-up (or at least was forced to start making grown-up decisions). It's just strange to be under your parents' roof when all that is going on, even if it's for a short visit. Part of you loves the security and affirmation you get from being your parents' kid, while the other part of you wants to show you can manage your independence and strike out on your own path. I had to work through a lot of this stuff internally during my time in South Carolina, so that became the home in which I reconciled becoming a grown-up while remaining my parents' child.

Washington, DC:
This was my home for four months, during the fall semester of my Junior Year of undergrad - from Aug. through Dec. of '07. I was studying International Peace and Conflict Resolution at American University in the capital of the world's most powerful nation... exciting enough for you?! There are a lot of things I love about that home, and a lot of new things I got to live out and through. It was my first time living in a major city. I became really close to the class of 14 students who were studying in this program, and we experienced a lot of intense things together, especially our 3-week trip to the former Yugoslavia. We traipsed our way through a region that had been torn apart by war, genocide, and ethnic cleansing barely over a decade earlier, and it changed us all in ways we may not ever fully understand.


After we returned to the US, I had almost two more months in DC to process this and enjoy the rest of my time in that city before returning to Allegheny College. I love the energy, the passion, the persistence, the impossibly high dreams and goals that float around that city. It's intoxicating and motivating, in a way, but can also wear a soul out and make a person lose sight of what actually matters, what's actually real. 

I'll leave my processing of my other two homes for another day. I haven't made my summer trips there yet, after all, and I could use a little reminder of all they've taught me so far.

a nomadic summer in the making

As I write this, it's 10:30 a.m. and the temperature has already soared into the mid-90s. Texas has succeeded in completely throwing off my internal temperature..the mid-90s feels normal by now. I return to the North in a little under a week (not that Chicago's much cooler at the moment). However, there's at least hope for some relief from the heat there.

I can't even tell you how much I'm looking forward to a cold, rainy, grey day.

I'm also excited to get home. Chicago somehow managed to become that for me in four short (packed) months. I miss the people there, I miss my apartment, I miss the social life, and I miss having a city at my doorstep. When I get back, I have eight whole days to enjoy it before I leave again:)

Somehow, this summer has turned into a series of trips away from home. My trip to San Antonio, which is nearly over, is the longest by far (at six and a half weeks). A little over a week after I return to Chicago, I'll leave for DC for a couple days for a faith-rooted organizing training that Sojourners is holding. I get back from that on the 17th and leave for Charleston on the 18th for nearly a week to see my parents. Then I'll be back in Chicago for three weeks - hopefully heading to western New York for a long weekend somewhere in there! - before going to Indiana. I'll spend five days in Indiana for a leadership training/retreat with IIRON (Indiana & Illinois Regional Organizing Network) in preparation for my internship next year. The day after I get back from that (Aug. 18th) I fly out to Seattle, where I'll meet up with my friend Ellie (from North Park) and possibly our friend Sam to drive Ellie's car to Chicago for the fall semester. Then we drive over 2,000 miles to get back to Chicago by the 21st, since we need to help out with Orientation for the new students...

And then my fall semester begins.

Just like that, my whirlwind of a summer will be closed out and I'll revert to school-mode. Until then, there's a lot of fun to be had and many, many places to go:) I'll be traveling to or through about a dozen states and seeing all sorts of people I love and have missed.

Once in a while, I get a thought in the back of my mind that living nomadically isn't practical, it isn't "financially astute", and it must be a phase, because really, who lives this way forever? I'm sure as I get older I'll have times when I'm more rooted and grounded in one place, one community, one neighborhood, one set of friends/family/neighbors, but I can't imagine giving up the traveler within. Without even meaning to - without realizing it, even - I filled my summer with trips and adventures away from home because I love that and I want that. Although I call Chicago 'home' and before that considered Jamestown / Bemus / Camp Mission Meadows / Allegheny College home, part of my 'home' is also on the road. It's grounded in change, new sights and people, discovery, new understandings of what's beautiful and inspiring - and that is something I find when I travel.

Home is great, but the road still owns a part of me.

top 3 things about life as a chicago-based jesus school student

It's 12:41 pm on a blindingly sunny day in San Antonio, and I'm sitting in a Starbucks with enough free time to finally update this blog.

Five days ago at this time, I was in the sweltering humidity of Chicago, packing my bags for a 7-week trip down to Texas.

Six days before that, I was finishing my last final exam for the Spring semester, which I finished 4 hours before the midnight deadline (further proof that procrastination just won't stop rewarding me).

Life doesn't slow slow down much, does it? It may change gears a little, but it refuses to be static or stationary. Also, my nomadic tendencies - which I sometimes wondered might be a phase - don't seem to be going anywhere either. I've lived four whole months in Chicago, which was broken up by a trip to Newark for my best friend's wedding in March, and I was already itching to go somewhere else by early May.

So here I am in the Republic of Texas until early July. While nannying for my cousin, who's the greatest 8-year old you'll ever meet, I'm taking a couple of online business classes for my Nonprofit Administration degree. This clearly won't be a restful, laid-back break from life by any means, but I do have time to look back at my first semester at Jesus school and business school in Chicago and try to make some sense of it all.

As I've said before, my overall experience at North Park and in Chicago has been great so far. Fantastic people, interesting coursework, incredible city, good university. Looking a little deeper into it all, here are the top 3 things about my life as a Seminary student in Chicago so far:

1). Jesus school students are fun. No, seriously!

Before I came to North Park, I had some huge reservations about the people I'd be encountering at Seminary. I was a little paranoid that every discussion, even at parties (heck, I wasn't even sure they had parties) was going to end in some heavy theological debate, in which case I would've had to make up a lot of excuses to duck out of conversations...

The truth is, most of the students at Seminary are a lot of fun. Something I didn't consider before is that most people going into ministry are super relational and creative. That combination = fun. Also, they all genuinely care about people and do their best to treat them well, so there's less drama and ridiculousness (of the bad sort) than you'd find among other communities of young adults.

This community is far from perfect, but the people here are pretty wonderful and take every chance they can get to hang out and enjoy life...no theological debate required.

2). Chicago's weather rocks. Well, at least since I've been there.

I moved to Chicago in January, expecting to hate and avoid the outdoors for the next two months, as wind chills dipped below zero and snow flew by the windows horizontally.

But that didn't exactly happen. We had a mild winter, followed by an unseasonably warm spring. During my spring break in mid-March, it was sunny and in the high-70s nearly every day. April was a little closer to its average temperature, but May brought us back to feeling like it was early summertime. It was starting to heat up when I left on Monday, and I've heard summer are brutally hot and humid.. but hey, maybe we'll keep getting lucky for a while.

All I know is that the last week before I left, my friends and I played outside on the campus greenspace, went to the beach, and started building our summer tans. I haven't had a reason to complain, so I'll naively believe the weather will continue its brush with perfection into the summer.

3). College is so much better the second time around.

Ok, so this is not undergrad, part 2 (which I'm personally thankful for). My time at Allegheny was great and all, but life in undergrad is not exactly a healthy or sustainable lifestyle. I'm frankly shocked some people I know survived their four years of undergrad. No one sleeps enough, most people gain (and then add onto) their Freshman 15, some destroy their livers, and the undergrad education doesn't usually prepare people to succeed in real life. It prepares you for more school, if anything.

Grad school is different, in such good ways. [One exception: acquiring more school loans is a terrible feeling, especially when you work for a couple years after undergrad and get used to making money.) I know my grad school experience is not the typical one, since I'm in a dual degree program uniting a Seminary and business school, all while living on campus.However, grad school classes challenge students to think critically, apply what they learn, and encourages them to get out of the classroom and learn through experience. It's easy for most people to float through undergrad without ever learning anything beyond theory and nice ideas. Grad school wants you to go out, get your hands a little dirty and make mistakes so you can learn how things really work in the world. Theory finally meets practice, and your head knowledge travels down to your heart, your hands, and your feet.

That's enough reflecting for the day. I hope this gives you a little window into what I'm learning at North Park so far. A lot of what is teaching me, changing me, and challenging me hasn't been in the classroom. School is great, and being a student suits me well, but what I'm really excited about is the life beyond my classes. My studies are giving me the knowledge I'll need, but everything else is shaping how I'll use that knowledge to bring about change on this crazy, spinning planet.

practical dreaming about changing the world

One of my classes this semester is 'Mobilizing for Justice', where we discuss many of the injustices that exist in the world today (not all of them...there's not enough time for that). We talk about the brokenness in the economic, political, social, and even religious systems that exist today. Sounds like a depressing class, doesn't it?

But we also look at how we can transform the world. Yes, we take a close look at the twisted, sick, toxic, unjust aspects of our current reality, but we do not (and cannot) stop there. We start envisioning how those problems and issues can be attacked and rooted out. We study and discuss how transformation has already occurred. We talk about why, as Christians, we need to care about these things. In a society that feeds us these mistruths/deceptions: everyone can pull themselves up by their bootstraps, that goodness, hard work, and virtue will surely result in personal wealth, that charity is always enabling, that sharing resources is communism (heaven forbid), that poor people are poor because they're lazy, that racism has disappeared and has nothing to do with economic inequality today.....we need to take a good hard look at injustices in our society and figure out how to tear them down.

I recently read a book for this class titled Building a People of Power, by Robert Linthicum (2005) and wrote a brief reflection on it. I wanted to share part of that writing here, as the book's theme of empowering people to bring about change struck a deep chord within me. Here's a little of what I wrote:

In a world where it often seems that most of the power is held in the tight fists of the elite, Robert Linthicum’s book is a timely reminder that it does not need to stay that way. His book was written for the church as a praxis manual in which theory – explaining the biblical understanding of power and why we must wield it to bring about the shalom of our communities and cities – meets practice – demonstrating how this can be accomplished through various methods. His central thesis is that in order to truly transform communities into the kingdom-inspired shalom communities that God intended, the church must seek to empower and walk alongside the poor, the oppressed, and the marginalized of society.

The concept from Linthicum’s book that stuck with me the most was his Iron Rule and how this plays into his vision for building up powerful people. The Iron Rule states, “never do for others what they can do for themselves,” and it is a key concept for any type of community organizing (regardless of if they use the “Iron Rule” name for the concept). Community organizers understand that in order for a community to be transformed, it must ultimately be the people of the community who take ownership of solving whatever problems they are facing. There are many well-meaning, compassionate, do-gooders who have seriously harmed people and communities by doing things and providing things for people that they simply should not have done. They took the easier, shorter route of directly stepping in and trying to ‘fix’ something quickly, while the best solution was the long-term route of empowering and building up the people themselves. The Iron Rule reminds us to keep in mind the extraordinary capabilities people have for learning, growing, stretching, and rising up to meet the challenges they face. The church is called to walk alongside those struggling people in solidarity and support, helping them cultivate and channel the power they contain within themselves.

However, most churches have yet to move beyond compassion and mercy ministries towards advocacy and justice. Many churchgoers hardly understand the biblical mandates behind social justice and the call to work for the shalom of the city. Churches that are still stuck in engaging in only compassion and mercy ministries must be taught about God’s heart for justice and the commands in his Word to strive for it. This cannot be taught simply from the pulpit or in formal classroom-style lectures or trainings. The need to work for justice should also be taught through dialogue – such as storytelling – and experiential learning in or near their community. Before they learn the definition of ‘Iron Rule’ and other concepts necessary for empowering people, the Iron Rule must be applied to them. The church’s leadership cannot impose the need to seek justice on the congregants; the congregation must take ownership of their call to strive for justice in their communities. As they begin to grasp for themselves the understanding of the injustices that plague our world and our society, then they can begin to learn how to stand up against the powers and principalities. The church itself must be empowered to seek justice and live into that before it can go out to its community and effectively build up the marginalized and the oppressed.

the snow globe starts to calm down

The last three months have been packed to the hilt with newness, challenges, and a myriad of experiences. It's often felt like I'm standing in a snow globe, and God just picked it up and started shaking it til all I could see was the swirling white flakes, spinning frantically around me. Each flake was something new, someone new, someplace new, a new piece of information, a new observation, a new thought, a new feeling, a new connection.

I think God made us all - even the people who love adventures - so we seek out stability, peace, and solid ground in something, someplace, or someone eventually. That rooted, at-home feeling is something we all desire at the end of the day. Excitement, variety, adventure, and newness are all wonderful, but we eventually want to find our niche and start digging in with our roots.

Near the end of this semester, I'm still being hit in the face sometimes with new flakes, but the spinning has slowed down. Picture after a blizzard when the frozen, sparkling snow is softly settling to the ground. The torrential wind has died down, and you can start to discern the landscape around you again. You can start to pick out familiar landmarks, and you're back to comprehending your environment.

My surroundings at North Park, in Chicago, maybe even in the Midwest (..maybe that's a bit of a stretch) are starting to make sense and feel familiar. I'm beginning to gain a glimmer of understanding and focus on where I fit in the midst of this community, this neighborhood. There's still plenty that will change and evolve over the rest of my time here, however long that is, but I have begun letting down some small roots into this new soil.

faith-rooted organizing

This is a blog post I wrote for my Mobilizing for Justice class. I attended a Faith-rooted Organizing conference this February, and this is my reflection on it. Enjoy:)

“See, I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves; so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” Matt. 10:16

Be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. Alexia Salvatierra, facilitator of the 2-day Faith-Rooted Organizing conference I attended at South Loop Community Church in February, continually referenced this scripture throughout our time together. Community organizing can be a handful; trying to connect all sorts of diverse people in a community to advocate for change in an organized fashion is quite a feat. Alexia has been involved with faith-rooted community organizing (specifically the Christian faith, just to clarify) in many different facets over the years. Over just a couple days, she managed to lay out a solid foundation regarding how the faith component is so essential and valuable in efforts to organize. Some people argue that approaching organizing from a faith perspective can compromise the effort, as Christian values (of loving your enemies, of doing all things with righteousness and integrity) can make it tricky when choosing to attack an unjust system or structure. How do you lovingly confront someone who is perpetrating an injustice? However, her constant reminder to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves serves as a model for how Christians can boldly, wisely, strategically – yet still lovingly – live out our biblical mandate to “do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.” (Micah 6:8)

As someone who wants to work in faith-based nonprofit organizations, the material and strategies I learned from this conference were exceptionally relevant. The talks and discussions insightfully demonstrated how faith-rooted organizing has much to offer in the struggle against the unjust systems and structure we face today. I learned the basic components of organizing [goals, analysis, strategies, recruitment, leadership development and leadership sustaining] in addition to the essential components the faith factor brings to the table.

Instead of inhibiting the organizing effort, faith-rootedness ultimately enhances it in huge ways. The faith perspective has a lot to offer a group of people who are working together against an organization, corporation, or system that has markedly more financial resources and hard power than the community organizers will ever have. Faith offers an entirely different understanding of the situation when the odds seem stacked against you. For starters, its definitions of wealth and power differ from the standard definitions of those words in our culture. In the Christian context, wealth does not have to do with just money, and power is not exclusively in the hands of those at the top. Faith-rootedness helps community organizers see the potential power that exists in the hands of the poor and the oppressed. The voices of those who have been systematically wronged and abused hold much power, as they have the right to call out those who have oppressed and harmed them. Those at the top of unjust systems and structures (who appear to be the primary power-brokers) in reality have some severe vulnerabilities, as they reached their position through the exploitation of the weak and the poor. People of faith within the community not only value the oppressed and the marginalized in society, but are called by God to actively stand up for them and empower them to rise up. The rich do not hold a monopoly on power; the people of God bring this understanding to all organizing efforts they engage in.

Overall, the values and visions that spring from faith are pivotal in any community organizing setting. Christians can bring hope, power, love, strength, vision, fearlessness, righteousness – as well as faith itself – to the coalition. In fact, they have already begun to do this. The most memorable parts of the conference were undoubtedly when Alexia revealed what an impact faith-rooted organizing has already made in various campaigns against injustice. She brought the principles she was teaching to life by weaving in and out of rich narratives throughout the conference, giving us inspiration and reminders that God is very much alive and well in our efforts to break down corrupt systems and structures. He does not just command us to go out and do the impossible; He comes alongside us and helps us achieve these ‘impossibilities’. Community organizing may seem to be an overwhelming task in light of all the obstacles in its way, but in the light of faith, it is a very different story.

spring settles in

I am writing this on a plane, heading to Newark for my best friend's wedding. I guess it takes a situation like a plane ride - when I'm  forced to sit still for a few hours but don't feel the least bit inclined to touch my homework yet - to help me make time to write. It seems every minute of March has been filled with something up to this point, and I'm grateful for a little breathing room in my schedule.

The last few weeks have ushered in spring in Chicago. The weather's been abnormal in the best way, reaching temperatures 20 degrees or more above average on most days. I woke up the other day to see a haze of green spreading over all the trees, which has only deepened with time. I've been able to go exploring in my neighborhood often over the last couple of weeks, especially along the river that runs near campus. There are parks and walking/biking paths that run alongside the river, which is a huge saving grace for me. As much as I love my new city, I've always lived in beautiful places where nature and the outdoors were all around me.

My first walk by the river - a few weeks ago, right when the weather began to take a turn towards amazing - left me with a myriad of images in my mind. It was the first spring-like, no jacket, run and play outside sort of day. This is perfect for people watching, which you get plenty of when you go for a walk on a beautiful day in a city park.

The first thing you notice in the parks are the children, who are everywhere. Loud, laughing, screaming, racing each other to the swings, riding their scooters, getting all dirty and sweaty and sun burned.

Then you notice the parents. You notice some differences among them. Some sit quietly, watching their kids from park benches. Others are preoccupied with their phones or other friends. Still others are completely lost in embracing their inner child, sitting up on the monkey bars with their children, forgetting about trying to keep their clothes clean or what time their favorite tv show is on that night.

Next, you notice the dogs, which are all over the place and may cause you to suddenly realize how pet-deprived you are at the moment. Dogs of all sizes and attitudes: some rolling  like crazy all over the place, deliriously happy to be outside; some running like their life depended on it after a slimy rubber ball; some trotting alongside their owner, completely subdued and well-behaved.

After you've gotten over your dog-envy and stopped plotting different dognapping scenarios, you notice the bicyclists. Chicago is a pretty bike-friendly city (though you'll hear the occasional story about biking disasters...some funny, some vaguely terrifying). You'll see all sorts of bicyclists. There are the uber-intense bikers, clothed in professional biking garb, racing against a clock you can't see. Not to stereotype, but these are usually guys with sunglasses, backpacks, and no expression on their faces. Next you'll see the cute bicyclist family peddle on by, complete with smiling baby or toddler being towed by their mom or dad's bike. If you're really lucky, you'll even manage to see a guy biking with no hands...texting....like I did. I couldn't decide if I was impressed by his remarkable balance and multi-tasking, or annoyed that he was too focused on his little screen to look up at the beautiful place he was passing through.

While you're walking along, you'll also notice the runners. This is by far the most entertaining part to observe, as people run in a million and a half different ways. You'll see your straight-backed, fist-pumping, jaw-clenched runners who look prepared to run through brick walls and up mountains without breaking stride. Then there are the people running so slow you pass them while walking, their feet hardly leaving the ground, and you can tell they hate every step they're taking. Best of all, you get to see the flailing runners, whose limbs are on the verge of losing control as their feet pound the pavement. [Seeing their crazy running is secretly terrifying - do they know they look like this when they run? What do we look like when we're running?!]

Beyond all those images, there is so much more to see in a city park on a warm spring day. Kites flying, fresh dirt being spread on a baseball diamond, people of all ages playing pick-up soccer games wherever there's enough space, an old man walking slowly on the grass next to the path, hoping to save his knees by avoiding the pavement, a little girl in a pink tutu, holding her parents' hands.

This is what I see in my new neighborhood, my new home. These things aren't particularly new or unique on their own, but my walk that day was renewing, refreshing. It's good to see the city become livelier, lighter, more like a real community that lives and plays together as winter fades away and spring settles in.

when 'home' reaches me in chicago

Five and a half weeks here in Chicago. I feel as though I blinked and over a month of my life just flew on right by me, but at the same time, it's hard to believe I haven't been here much longer. As you can tell, I'm still a little disoriented by all the shifts that have occurred around me. New home, new friends, new daily rhythm, new weather, new city...same me, for the most part. I don't have much of an idea of how I'll be changing in my new circumstances, though I have an idea of who I'm becoming.

Despite the unrelenting waves of change, there have been a few moments over the past month where I was surprised by a piece of home, or at least familiarity, popping up out of nowhere and reminding me that there is some constancy in all of this. During all these times, I was struck by this feeling of ease and naturalness, where I could completely drop the act of trying-learning-adjusting-meeting-analyzing-making good impressions-putting forth effort-intentionality that is part of life when you've just begun a new chapter.

One of the first times this natural, familiar feeling swept over me was...oddly enough...in the gym. A bunch of the Seminary students play basketball two days a week, and I've been going since my first week here. When I was on the court (maybe the second week in), it struck me why I had been loving my time playing basketball so far. The basketball court was a place where I could effortlessly, naturally, just be myself. I knew the rules to basketball; they didn't change from New York to Illinois. I didn't have to put forth a constant effort to be friendly and engaging and social so I could get to know people....it's basketball. You just play. The other players are automatically going to accept you as long as you try hard and aren't some show-off punk who never passes the ball. And in the meantime, while I was completely at ease to be myself in a setting that's been a part of my life since as long as I've been old enough to dribble a ball around my driveway, I naturally started forming some friendships. Who wouldn't want to make friends when we're all elbowing each other in the face/gut/arm and wheezing because none of us are in as good of shape as we should be?!

Another place where the feeling of home touched me was in the Seminary's chapel, where the Most Beautiful Thing in the World lives.....a Steinway piano. Well. I guess that's a close second, right after the Spirit of God. It's absolutely lovely. The chapel's open all day, so as long as there's not a service or lecture going on there, it's sitting quietly waiting for me to come by.

Strangely, I feel completely at ease whenever I'm walking around my new city or riding the L. I guess I feel at home whenever I'm exploring someplace new. I've taken the L to different parts of Chicago a few times now - to visit Angela at DePaul, to go to the Covenant conference near the O'Hare airport, and to the northern edge of the Southside for a conference on faith-based organizing - and I can't imagine getting tired of discovering new parts of this city. I love seeing all the people, walking down streets and by buildings that hold more history than I could ever unravel, and just being a part of this incredible buzzing, bright, ever-moving, ever-creating mass of humanity that make up this huge community.

One day last week, my class was cancelled (is there ever a better surprise than that?) so I was walking down Foster Ave towards the pharmacy. As I walked along, I had this irrepressible bounce in my step as I traveled through my new neighborhood, which I'm coming to love. My mind always goes into active mode while I walk - thinking through things, processing what's around me, and/or praying. [I've had a lot of good walks with God, often in cemeteries. Since most everyone around you is dead in a cemetery, it's easy to have undistracted conversations. Also, you get reminded of your mortality again....and again....and again, which can also encourage you to talk to God..]

People, cars, sounds, all of this is rushing by me as I walk, thinking about how simple it can be to blend into the background in a city. Anonymity and isolation are easiest when you're surrounded by an overwhelming sea of distractions and characters. I feel just the tiniest tug of loneliness - not a bad loneliness, more like an awareness of being by myself at the moment - when I hear a siren behind me, getting louder by the second. A little old woman in front of me, wearing a purple coat with the hood up, turns slowly around to see the source of the calamitous noise coming our way. As I pass by her, walking a million miles per hour (as usual), I hear her voice. I don't have much of an idea of what she's saying, but I turn back to look at her and see if she is addressing me. [I like to think she said "I wonder if they're coming after me," and based on what I understood from our conversation, I may not be far off the mark.]

She talks again, louder, but not looking at me. I slow down a bit, then stop. She starts speaking again, looking directly at me now. Her thick accent is Eastern European, her old voice is a bit crackly, and her head is approximately 4 1/2 feet off the ground, so you'll forgive me if I had trouble following the story she tells me. The Reader's Digest version of what I interpreted: she went to a church down the street for dinner (it was 1:45 in the afternoon..), got (or didn't get) some food, wanted to take cookies home but they didn't let her (again...not sure how much of this is accurate....but she did say cookies at least a dozen times and seemed quite annoyed), and they told her if she wanted more food to come back at 6:30. She got mad, took her money, and left.

Whatever she says, I just nod and smile and make generic comments back, since I don't want to make her repeat everything 8 times and still not understand it. As we walk slowly together towards the pharmacy on the corner, she abruptly changes the subject on me. "You are Polish?" comes out of her mouth, and I can't help but smile. This old woman on this busy street in this new city, where I often feel everything is so unfamiliar, new, or changing, could take one look at my face and correctly guess my ethnic heritage. I tell her she's right, that my father's family was 100% Polish, and then she tells me she is Greek. She asks me my name. She tells me her name is Patricia. I tell her about being a student at North Park, and her only question about school is if I'd met any Greek people there yet. When we reach the pharmacy, we smile and wave as we say good-bye, and I walk off feeling like a little piece of home has just reached out and pierced me in the midst of this brand-new life.

my chicago story: the beginning

It's been nine and a half days since moving into my new apartment, at my new campus, in my new city, in my new state, in my new time zone....

so I guess it's time for a little update. Consider yourself warned: this won't be a nicely cohesive, deeply thought out, reflective piece of writing. I had time for that during my two-month sabbatical from Real Life, when my biggest responsibility during a typical day was taking my dog for a walk or cooking dinner. This will be more like random snapshots of my new life, as it's gone so far.. and then I have to get back to homework.

My new digs:
Let's start with my apartment. I live in an on-campus apartment building that's reserved for seminary students, with six total apartments in it. My roommates - Kelly and Carrie - are fantastic. They're both second-year seminary students who helped make me feel at home in my new place almost immediately. I got here last Friday, unloaded all my stuff [have I mentioned lately that my parents are great? Cause they are. They drove a 1700+ mile roundtrip over one weekend to help me move most of my stuff up here, through some lovely weather, I might add, then proceeded to buy half of Target for me so I'd have food, pillows, and other essentials. Like peppermint patties.], and I unpacked and settled in over the next few days.

Oh, and you may be wondering about my apartment's location? Right in the middle of campus, less than a minute's walk to the gym, on the same street as four friends from camp, and less than five minutes' walk to any of my classes. WIN.

The people:
Now, if you know me well at all, you'll know I've had to say good-bye to a lot of amazing people over the last few months (including maybe you?). I'm not one to dwell on good-byes, get all misty eyed, or sink into despair when I have to leave people - but I had to leave so many of them. It was harder than I knew it'd be, but it almost always is.

Luckily, I knew I'd be going to a place filled with some pretty incredible people. I'm sure it's not exactly a surprise to hear that all the people I've met so far have been welcoming and kind to the new girl. (This is God school, after all.) It's been awhile since I've been the new kid on the block, and I'm not at all comfortable in that role. The way my life's been - particularly in college, working at my church, and working at camp - I'm used to being the one welcoming people and making them feel at home. Like anyone else, I like intuitively understanding my environment and knowing what my niche is.

Also, I'm a super-relational person. Shallow, surface-level friendships don't do much for me. I know there's always some of those in a person's life, but I don't thrive on them. At this point, I've been here a week and a half. There are a few people I'm getting to know well, and I'm seeing a lot of potential in those friendships, but most of the people I run into are friendly faces whose name I only remember about 80% of the time. I'm looking forward to the day when I'm comfortable enough with everyone around me that I can admit my life isn't all sunshine and rainbows and shooting stars. (I think that day will be here soon.)

The classes:

This is the part that's probably least exciting to you....and to me, actually....so I'll keep it short. Classes - interesting. Professors - smart (and, bonus points! they actually care if we succeed). Homework - laaaame. It's a lot of reading, analyzing, and writing, which I'm used to, but it's all on subjects I haven't studied before. I mean, I've read the Bible, obviously. I've even preached and led discussions on it. But the academic setting - all the terms and ways of thinking about these things - it's all pretty unfamiliar right now. It'll get better. My ratio of work to play is wayyy unbalanced at the moment, as I'm trying to get used to all this, but I'm still making sure I have some fun:)

That's all I have time for right now. My Business Ethics textbook and book on Preaching are calling to me from across the room, so I have to go hang out with them for a bit. I hope this helps you see a little window into my new life. I'm still feeling pretty great about this new adventure - God's been unceasingly good to me through it all - and I wish you all the best, wherever you are.

confessions of a new year

Why hello, 2012.

Since there was nothing I could do to stop you from coming, even if I wanted to, I've decided to welcome you.

So the year I turn a quarter of a century old, move to Chicago, and start both God school and Business school has arrived. 2012 is merely 3 days old, and it's already got me all stirred up about the changes that are about to spring up in my life. Before I get all wrapped up in the new adventures I'm rushing into, I want to take a second to pause, sit down, and look backward at what I've discovered over the last year - especially these last two months or so during my vacation from Real Life. The way I see it, in order to find out what I'm looking for in life and where I'm heading, I better know where I am right now.

Here are a few confessions of what I've found out about myself (and things far beyond me) recently.

In honor of the millions of New Years resolutions around the world concerning exercise this time of years, let's start with this one:

1). Running is awful.

I've been trying to convince myself for over a year now that I enjoy running. Alright, 25% of the time, it's ok. The other 75%? It's terrible!

I don't mind running if there's a purpose to it, like kicking a soccer ball or chasing down a frisbee. Running just for the sake of running? Siick. The heart pounding so hard you just know it's on the verge of bursting, the lungs gasping for air but never getting enough, the cramp in your side that won't go away, so you just grit your teeth and run through the pain.

2). Running is great!

Here's the catch - no matter how much I sometimes despise running, I have to keep it up. It's not just because it's good for my body, either. Running teaches me things all the time.

It teaches me to push beyond my own limits and exceed the goals I've set. When I've been running for a while and feel myself starting to slow down, I immediately start looking for some landmark in the distance I can stop at. I push and I push some more, and suddenly, I'm there. And I realize I haven't dropped dead yet. In fact, I can go just a bit farther, and then a bit farther after that. By the time I stop to stretch or walk, I've reminded myself again to never underestimate what I can do.

Running also teaches me that sometimes the present is just brutal, but the only way to make it to a better future is to just. keep. going. One foot. The other foot. Keep breathing. Train your eyes ahead of you, never behind or down. If I gave in every time things got hard and refused to put some effort into pushing through it, I would never gain even a tiny bit of strength or determination.

3). Everyone loses their minds sometimes, and it's ok.

The past two months of my vacation from Real Life, besides giving me time to finally rest up and get ready for the jump into 4(ish) years of graduate school, left me with plenty of time inside my own head.

Now I'm a relatively stable, sane person. Ask any of my close friends over the years, and they'll vouch that I barely even have tear ducts. I don't run around seeking, creating, or stirring up drama. Emotional crises are so rare within me, I can hardly even recognize them when they try to attack.

However, two months of more downtime and solitude than I've experienced since... um... ever.... is bound to mess with a girl's head.

The simple truth is, our minds are screwed up places sometimes. We can treat ourselves far more harshly than we'd ever treat another human being, even a stranger. Things get twisted, broken, even poisoned in our heads if we don't watch ourselves. And when your mind's a mess, you're inevitably going to take it out on some unlucky person who crosses paths with you.

The good news is, we're all crazy like this sometimes. It's nice to know there are plenty of other loonies out there - an estimated 7 billion - who go through similar self-induced agony like yours and mine. So next time you start beating yourself up for one crazy reason or another, do yourself a favor and find someone to hang out with who's nicer to you than you are to yourself (which at that point might be anyone. Really, anyone. Just try not to mention to a stranger who you're introducing yourself to that you're currently involved in mentally abusing...yourself. Leave that conversation for the next time you two are hanging out.)

4). Growing up's not hard to do.

Think about it. Think how many Grownups there are in your town, city, state, country, the world; they're EVERYWHERE. Bunches and bunches of them. Hordes of them. It's clearly not difficult to become one. Take a second to think of all the... not-so-smart... Grownups you know. If they can become a Grownup, you can too, so try not to stress out about wondering if or when you'll really become a Grownup.

5). Leading a Grownup life you love is hard to do.

I'm not talking about just being contented or satisfied with your Grownup life. I'm talking about living a richly inspired joy-filled Grownup life.

Let's be honest, the American Dream for the Grownup has some serious flaws. It's hardly even worth going over all the misconceptions it's spread, but here's a quick run through:

*Money isn't everything. If fact, it often makes things much, much worse.
*Having tons of stuff is just going to weigh you down (both literally and in your soul).
*Appearance never matters in the long run. A pretty face masking a rotten heart; a picture perfect house in which a family has broken to pieces; the absurdly impressive resume of a person who's never enjoyed their job, not even for a day. All those beautiful-looking things are empty and lifeless, and will eventually be revealed as such.

Have you met a Grownup who genuinely loves their life? I hope so. It's a pretty great thing. Without even noticing exactly when or how, they've become the person they were designed to be. They're comfortable with who they are and have this natural understanding of how to live fully, richly, joyfully.

I'm not entirely sure how to do this yet, but I'm somewhere on my way towards this. I think it has a lot to do with searching out who you are without letting people or forces compel you to turn a different way. Sometimes people can help you through this process, as long as they're genuinely interested in helping you discover your passions and dreams. Others will try to push you towards paths that aren't yours, usually thinking they're "helping" you or teaching you "how the world works."

Why should we ever care how the world works if it's not "working" in a way that inspires us? Let's all do ourselves a favor this new year and stop trying to make ourselves fit molds we were never created to fit. Take a little time to find within yourself the things that make you ignite and glow, then strive to become the person you always knew you wanted to be. Don't ever settle for anything less.

Happy New Year everyone, and I hope this next trip around the sun is unbelievably good to you.